who is staanding next to youu ?

by writtenacrossmysoul

Published August 11, 2009

In your darkest hour , when your sun and moon collide ,
who is standing next to you ?
In your wildest dreams , where you are free to be who you really are ,
who is standing next to you ?
In your nightmares , where your hidden fears jump into your reality ,
who is standing next to you ?
When you wake up , you see the picture on your nightstand ..
who is standing next to you ?
When your knees buckle and you fall , they laugh but
who is standing next to you ?
When you know the truth and know you have to speak it ,
who is standing next to you ?
In your greatest moment , the one where your life hits it's moment of perfection ,
who is standing next to you ?
On your wedding day , when you say "I do."
who is standing next to you ?
When you float up to heavens gates , and you look back upon your life ,
who stood next to you the whole time ?

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
Eraqio
Review
Eraqio wrote a review Review · Aug 16, 2009

I see it as something relating to God.

Which is ... probably the point.

if it isnt I just assumed and I'm sorry.

Anyways.

At first it seemed like it might get a little repetative and kind of dillute whatever you were going for, but asI continued on, the common memories kept it fresh in my mind and therefore was very relatable.

simple things, and extreme things, all coming together throughout one person's life and bringing questions to their mind.

Very well done.

Keep up the work, cant wait to see more from you.

Random avatar
babygirl12
Review
babygirl12 wrote a review Review · Aug 15, 2009

Beautifully written. And welcome to YWS. Honestly I'm still getting use to this place. ha. But its fun getting lost sometimes. :P Anyways about the poem...well I have no critisim only cause I don't know how to give it yet. :P But it is a very pretty poem.
Keep up the good work.
I would love to read more of your poems.
:)

User avatar
Ellyphant
Review
Ellyphant wrote a review Review · Aug 15, 2009

Oh no! I should probably tell you before a Mod. does...you need at least 2-3 reviews to post one piece of work. This keeps everything even and balanced. Kind of like the water balances the moon.

Review time: This was okay. I got a gut feeling that this was a religous poem. It is either that or a cliche love poem. I'm not a fan of it. You did well, though.

KnightlyAngel09 wrote a review Review · Aug 15, 2009

Hello, I'm Knightly.:) Nice to meet ya.:) Welcome to YWS.

I love, love, love this.:) Starred.

before my review on this, there are some rules on the site. You have to do at least two reviews on other people's work before you post any new literary works.:) Go on and read and review other people's stuff.:)

Now, the concept of this poem is lovely. It is truly something all of us can relate to. I suppose it's also something a lot of us wonder about. I particularly loved your ending because it talks of someone who was there for you during your entire lifetime. The rock you were clinging to all along. It's just so beautiful to think about that there are some people who stick it through your whole life long and not just appear for periods, touch your heart then walk away. Anyway, bottom line is I love the concept here.

However, I don't think that the layout of this poem helps to get the message across or gives much impact to this poem. The repetition of who is standing next to you becomes too much after a while. My suggestion is that you lay this out like this:

In your darkest hour , when your sun and moon collide ,
In your wildest dreams , where you are free to be who you really are ,
In your nightmares , where your hidden fears jump into your reality ,
Who is standing next to you?


This will lessen the amount of 'who is standing next to yous'. It's just a suggestion of course, just do whatever you like but the repetition just doesn't work too well with the poem.:)

Again, breathtaking piece. Good luck and keep writing.:)

--Knightly



History repeats itself. First as tragedy, second as farce.
— Karl Marx