I know that i'm not perfect,
but you better know I tried.
You'll never get to see,
the many tears i've cried.
Sometimes I don't get,
why you can't see me right here.
I don't know if you know,
but you're my biggest fear.
Accept me for who I am,
that's not too much to ask.
Getting you to notice me,
is not an easy task.
I'm standing right in front of you,
but you can't hear my screams.
Sometimes like you hate me,
or at least that's how it seems.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Topic: way overused, unfortunately. The problem with using an overused topic is that everyone has something better to compare it to. Try adding your own original streak to spice it up
Writing: You actually made the poem flow quite well, which is something most people have trouble with, so good job on that note, and as far as I can tell your rhyming worked.
This could have alittle more spice in it but other wise very good this doesn't make sence though:
Thats basically the only thing I can see that needs to be fixed. Keep up the great work. Lovely work. :]
I really like the flow and mood of your writing. I think it will relate well with most, if not all readers. It could use some essence, start something to make your writing different, and original.
Make it your own, and not a bunch of favorite lines heard previously from other love stories or the basic of every romantic poem. It is a good poem, but a little flavor wouldn't hurt.
Great work.
Wow. This is even better than the first one I reviewed. I love it!!
Okay, first off, the grammar. You forget to capitalize "I" in a few places, it seems you do so where there's a contraction. Even you attach "I" to "am" to make "I'm" or something, you still capitalize the I, so it's "I'm", not "i'm" as you put in the poem. Same with "I've", you capitalize it.
This poem is far too cliched, I seriously can quote about half the lines, with only a few words changed, from other poetry like this in different places. The term for this is "emo poetry", basically (this term is not meant to be derogatory to emos, it just describes a poem like this), and while yours is admittedly not as bad as the others, it still falls into that same, "my heart is broken and I'm sobbing and life is so mean to me and I feel so alone", depressed, category.
You should liven this up a little bit, describe what the other person meant to the person talking, show reactions and personality, not just the same old, same old. Seriously, read some of the other stuff like this on here, it's to a large extent, exactly the same as your poem, and it's all done by new members. Not to be mean, just pointing out that emo poetry is a habit most members are broken from by their first couple of weeks or first month in here.
I'd suggest writing something more cheery, to start with. Sad poetry can be very good, but sometimes when you're writing stuff like this, you just need to really jolt out of it, not ease away into something much better but still close to it in a way.
~Aet
This is short and sweet. I like the second stanza. Though some might say a little too simple I like simple. And I think everyone at some point can relate to this. this being said be sure to bring your own spin on a well covered topic.