First! Read this: http://instruct.westvalley.edu/lafave/hb.html
It's a story, but it's an excellent one and it contains quite a lot of poetry. Consider the lines:
“I shall now select my Empress!” he said, looking down on the cowering people. “Let the first woman who dares rise to her feet claim her mate and her throne!”
A moment passed, and then a ballerina arose, swaying like a willow.
Harrison plucked the mental handicap from her ear, snapped off her physical handicaps with marvelous delicacy. Last of all, he removed her mask.
She was blindingly beautiful.
“Now” said Harrison, taking her hand, “shall we show the people the meaning of the word dance? Music!” he commanded.
The musicians scrambled back into their chairs, and Harrison stripped them of their handicaps, too. “Play your best,” he told them, “and I’ll make you barons and dukes and earls.”
The music began. It was normal at first – cheap, silly, false. But Harrison snatched two musicians from their chairs, waved them like batons as he sang the music as he wanted it played. He slammed them back into their chairs.
The music began again and was much improved.
Harrison and his Empress merely listened to the music for a while – listened gravely, as though synchronizing their heartbeats with it.
They shifted their weights to their toes.
Harrison placed his big hands on the girl’s tiny waist, letting her sense the weightlessness that would soon be hers.
And then, in an explosion of joy and grace, into the air they sprang!
Not only were the laws of the land abandoned, but the law of gravity and the laws of motion as well.
They reeled, whirled, swiveled, flounced, capered, gamboled, and spun.
They leaped like deer on the moon.
The studio ceiling was thirty feet high, but each leap brought the dancers nearer to it. It became their obvious intention to kiss the ceiling.
They kissed it.
Now, read your poem.
Only slightly uninspired?
![Razz :P](./images/smilies/icon_razz.gif)
Be creative. Obviously, this idea of the dance and the fallen dancers has been done before, so you have to delight in your writing and write what is beautiful and right. Also, if she is dancing with a partner, specify it in the beginning. Ballerinas do not have to dance with partners, so for a while I was wondering where this talk of the ballerina's partner came in.
Good luck with revision!
![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif)
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