Nature's Two Hands
A satisfied sigh is all I want
from cool whispers of the wind whisking
upon the calm lush leaves of a tree
that’s blushing itself a lively green
It is telling me you’ve got to calm
take a deep breath and lie on the hill
shaped of mere dirt carved into a lump
It is all made by nature’s two hands
It's telling me: climb that stately tree
and feel that cool whisper of the wind
join those velvety, flickering leaves
It is all made by nature’s two hands
It said: Watch the open blue sky laugh
wait until clear white tears come falling
from the enormous puffy, milky clouds
It is all stuffed by nature’s two hands
Race across the field where green grass grow
feel the sprouting tenderness stroke the
souls of your delicate prance of feet
It's all tended by nature's two hands
Feel the icy tears drop on your face
from a journey miles from the sky
feel all that glorious, radiant
work all crafted by nature's two hands
A satisfied sigh is all I want
from cool whispers of the wind whisking
upon the calm lush leaves of a tree
that’s blushing itself a lively green
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
This poem is really something.
Thank you for relaxing my poor bloodshot eyes with a calm, relaxing piece of poetry. This is most definitely lyrical.
Stuffed with adjectives by nature's two hands
This ^ was my favorite stanza, not including the first and last, which are awesome because I love full-circle endings.
Polls do irk me slightly as well, though I gave you five starz.
I know you meant you as in one, like one's face, but as the rest of this poem is in first person, you should probably stick with that.
And that's all the critique I have. Great job.
(Holy cow) Gee; thanks Snoink! I see your point there, and it makes a lot of sense. I'll watch out for my use of adjectives the next time I write a poem. Thanks for helping me out!
Oh, and thanks (again) for the poll suggestion.
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Joy
Hey Joy! I did tell you I would look at your stuff? No?
I want to point out something to you! Look how many adjectives you have!
That's a lot of adjectives, no? Now, see what happens when we take them all out.
Kind of weird right?
This is a sign that you're probably using too many adjectives! Too often (especially in poetry) writers will use lots and lots of adjectives in poetry to make it sound pretty when, in reality, it's best to not use as many adjectives and use strong verbs and nouns instead. This doesn't make adjectives bad, of course. You just don't want to rely solely on them.
Good luck with your poem!
Also, best not add any polls to your poems and stories... mean people like me will rate it the worst when, really, it's not that bad. I just hate seeing polls on any of the literary topics.