Beach

Hi there, writergirl15! My name is Scarlett and I'll be reviewing your poetry this evening. ^^

This is a fascinating poem with a fascinating concept, though I feel it's lacking something. It's good as it is, but I think it could be more. We really only see a glimpse of what you're trying to say here, and it's very direct. That's okay, but sometimes a good poem is less direct and more abstract. This is actually pretty decent as it is, and I really like it.

Okay, now I don't really have anything more to say. It's good, but not the best, and with a few little fiddles, it could be great. Despite this, I do like it so far, and that's a good thing. If you ever revise it or anything, please let me know. I'll be sure to come back and read it again! This is an interesting little poem. Thanks for the poetry! I hope this review helps, somehow. ^^

Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!

~Scar. <3

I really enjoyed your poem (I love anything about the beach). You used loads of really nice sensory descriptions and your imagery was great too. I really liked your opening:

'That perplexing blue

Makes you breathe in

Salt foams'

It creates so much imagery and sensory description just when you've started reading it! Love it!

Your poem just makes you feel as if you are at the beach; just sitting there, watching and listening as the waves lap against the shore and your toes sink into the golden sand. The smell of salt lingering in the soft, sea breeze; blowing through your hair! LOVE THE BEACH!!!

I don't have many suggestions to be honest. Maybe you could add even more description about the waves...then again it fits in nicely as it is and you've already got nice description!

Thank you!

Well done!

tiggpanda145

Hey Writergirl,

I'm just going to dive straight into this, if you don't mind. I really liked this piece a lot, actually. There is this sense of serene pleasure I get reading this, because I get a kick out of beach/water imagery, I dunno if it's just me, but the images really do lend itself to this summer-y feeling and a sense of peace at the end. I love the tone of this piece as well -- it is somewhat contemplative, but also a curiosity, I think it's evoked in the opening line: perplexing blue -- which makes me feel as though I'm at the precipice watching over this vast ocean. Your sensory imagery in the next following lines are quite fantastic as well.

The cool thing about poetry that this piece strongly evokes is the sense of pulling the reader from just reading words on a page, to actually experiencing the words on the page. The only thing that I would suggest as an area of improvement is not so much expanding it -- because the crispness of this is like the salt of the air -- it works for this piece, and it's refreshing -- but perhaps to expand on diction/vocabulary itself.

It is said that poetry is the best words chosen in the best order. So lines like the tossing, tumbling wave -- while it is a nice alliterative effect, it doesn't exactly add much to the piece as tossing/tumbling are actually the same thing, so it's repetitive there. Now, what you want to be able to find is a word that depicts this with the sound itself. A random example off the top of my head: murmuring of numerous bees -- the words themselves murmur. Waves and oceans rise and fall in a swelling cadence, you can paint that picture/that cadence simply with sounds alone! Again/just a suggestion.

I hope this helps.

~ as aways, Audy

I really, really enjoyed this piece. I felt that everything from the italics to the simple layout and shape of the poem added a gentle serenity to the effect. It was not only soothing, but also thought provoking. As one who lives close to the beach myself, the descriptive word choice made me feel hugely nostalgic, which was fantastic. Usually, I complain when poems don't have much rhyme to them, but I truthfully feel like this piece just doesn't need the typical scheme to be as good as it is. I can't find any errors in this work.
My favorite line(s): "Tossing, tumbling waves
Rising like mountain giants with crevices and steeps",

"Curious about the world
Of the Sea"

^
The addition of the alliteration in the first line mentioned followed by the images projected in the second had a high impact that I really liked.

The third and fourth lines I mentioned lingered with enigma and pleasant memory to me. I love how you capitalized the "Sea"-- it's like icing on the cake!

Good work, keep writing!