They are here among us, in our hearts and our minds,
they brought us peace and love of every kind,
We cherish their memory,
its the least we could do,
for they fought all our battles, for me and for you,
but what was the cost of the loss of so many,
for some its worth no more than that of a penny,
yet for others the scars will never go away,
and all they can do is kneel down and pray,
and hope that the tales of those that they cared for,
could bring hope for the future, and stop all the war,
so for now, no matter how unfit you feel,
remember that you can still do something real,
pay tribute to the memory of those who gave up their lives
for peace in a world where people all strive,
to look good or be cool,and forget things that matter,
but for one second lets forget the former and latter,
for here our hearts,
here in our souls,
here in our songs,
here in out goals,
here in our cities,
here in our towns,
here, lies ten thousand men...
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I think this is great. War is something that has scared many people associated with it and people in it, but the people actually fighting for their cause have acquired a great deal more scars.
This is worded very well.
Ya it was just something that i felt like writing....very random...it is just for any war or people who have fought....i was thinking of basing it on one war but then i decided that it should just be for all those that have fought.....
And thanx for the punctuation and other corrections... i didn't do any the first time through!
Good work with the poem.
What war??? is it just random
Well done in many, many ways. *
LORD ANZIUS WUZ HERE
War is a very common topic to write about so it has to be done well. i believe that you have done a good job of this poem and it DOES make you think of the men who fought and lost their lives in any kind of war.
You have created a strong atmosphere, and i especially love the end. Everything seems to fade to me, like the soldiers themselves. i dont know if this was intentional but it was very good!
i think there are a few things that need editing...
in line four i think it is you say...'its' when it should be 'it's' also, in the same line, i think you should change 'could' to can? just a thought.
there are oppurtunities for semi colons in one or two places which you could pick up on...
'They are here among us, in our hearts and our minds;
they brought us peace and love of every kind,'
i think it would work in this circumstance. forgive me if im wrong
anywho, good work
hopew i have helped