Published January 28, 2009
I’m really not that bad…
Am I?
Am I so horrible that I should just die?
Are all teenagers like this?
Or is it just me?
Why am I not getting any answers?
I hate it when you yell at me;
You hate it when I’m mean to you.
How can we change our attitudes
To not make each other mad?
Would you really not yell at me?
Or will you go back on your word?
How will I know you’re telling the truth?
And yet, I’ll still be mean to you
Because that is how I am.
I’m just a loser.
I’m just a brat.
I don’t deserve to live.
I don’t even know why we hate each other.
Is it because you hate my dad
And I am part of his flesh and blood?
Or is it just me?
Me,
The only one who is making your life
Horrible.
Miserable.
Will I ever know?
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141,456 Literary Works • 674,474 Reviews
Hey there Writer in Disguise!
.
I'm June and I'm going to review/critique this for you today. I hope I'm not too harsh on you-- forgive me if I am.
The general impression that this poem gives to the reader is that the narrator is confused. Before reading the poem, we can definitely tell that from the title, "I Don't Know."
It's a great idea to write how you're feeling in a poem-- and if this is about you, I really hope you feel better soon. The message that you're posing to us lies in the questions you ask-- you're asking yourself more than anyone else, while directing them at the reader. Nice display of emotion you have going here-- good job.
Now, I like the poem as it is-- the free form, unstructured, non-stanzaic flow you've got moving here. It's great, no doubt about it, but for lyric poetry, it would need a bit more of a structure to it.
Also! You begin with a statement, and then you pose questions for us. Then, you give us statements, that almost feel like fragments.
Basically, what I'm saying is, the whole way it's written is taking away from what the main focus is. It sounds more like statements written in lines whereas you could make this more poetic, more dramatic. Make it sound like you aren't just complaining (I'm not saying it sounds like that; I'm saying that you need to make sure that it won't sound like that) And, make sure that your ideas connect well with eachother
It carries emotion very well, brilliant job with that. I think it just needs a slight bit of polishing, dear, and then you'll have a masterpiece. Nevertheless, I'm not saying I didn't like it. I think it was very good.
Great job! And keep it up
June