Well, this is my first review, and I'm happy that I'm starting of with something simple yet really interesting.
I think the poem has rhythm, but I think you can work more on the opening lines, because I think you have ended it really well. The major thing that I liked about this poem was that, you gave a glimmer of hope in the middle and took it away. That was well done, and I also think it takes some amount of character to end a poem like that.
Well, I dont want to relate this to what you're feeling I'm just seeing this as a work of your creativity, and based on that I think that it's really good. As, I said before I think you can work on the beginning lines and also think of some alternatives for words like 'jolting' and "shushing" though they sound good, I think it seems a bit of out of place here.
Your rhythm is spot on, I believe you really don't have to be worried getting too emotionally involved with you write, because that can bring the best in you. And don't try and follow the good old guidlelines, stretch them a bit.
Looking forward to some more poems from you, take care.
Points: 690
Reviews: 1
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