Published October 11, 2006
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141,470 Literary Works • 674,495 Reviews
Worgs,
The piece seems intent on plowing the same patch of ground until the reader "gets it." This didactic approach and the shift from "he" to "you" runs counter to the theme of the work.
S1 is promising, but the rest say the same thing in an increasingly boring manner (with the notable exception of "I can see you are not comfortable in your own company"), and S4 is a new age emetic.
Start over. Don't try to "fix" this mess.
Best,
Brad
This is very close to amazing.
it really hits home for me since I am newly divorced and miss my five year old son every second of the day.
I often wonder if he knows.
I often wonder what sort of propaganda is being fed to him on a daily basis.
This poem is very cloe to describing my state of reality, but it just doesnt grasp it entirely.
I tried to read it a second time from the childs perspective, which is how it appears to be written, but it didnt help.
Anyway, for being so close to what I am going through, (much closer than I could get) it is a very good piece.
-Slick