l o v e l e s s
to the girl who stopped believing, from the boy who kept dreaming.
A/N: Lowercase lettering is intentional. This is supposed to be poetic and free from the conventions of English.
i. [her]
to the girl with the calloused hands:
do you still remember the summer before high school, when we met at the county fair? i do.
it was july 4th and everyone stayed under the tent stands because it was drizzling. but we didn't.
i saw you first.
you wore that faded yellow sundress with the white polka dots and you didn't have your shoes on. they had the national anthem playing and there you were, dancing in the rain. the mud clung to the skin of your heel and splattered on the hem of your dress,
but you didn't care.
then you stopped to look at me, because you knew i was watching. we both smiled, only blinking because of the heavy rain drops clinging to our lashes.
and when the fireworks came on, explosively thunderous and extravagantly beautiful,
you were radiant.
from
him
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
Hey there! Happy Review Day! I'm Nike, here to review. I've been holding off reading this because I read it's poetry... and I'm bad at Poetry. I don't write it, so I'd believe that I'd be bad at reviewing it. But, yet, here I am. Your title drew me here like crazy for weeks now.
I wouldn't say this is poetry, it's like an extremely short story. And I'll tell you this, this is amazing. Lower case letters bother me like crazy, but since it's intentional I'll keep quiet.
This story is so great. It's beautiful. The way you wrote it made me feel light. It's like I was the Main Character. Your describing was good. I felt the story. I felt the emotions. I would like to read so much more.
¬ Nike
Hi word, here to review.
Too bad that you said that the lowercase was intentional. I would have pointed you to the lowercase July.
To be straight forward, who is going to die? The boy or the girl? Or is it going to be Romeo and Juliet where they both die (aka suicide). The imagery was nice and you could probably be standing there with them as you say that. I like how the italics are addressing to whom he is writing to.
I do have to comment. It must have sucked having rain on the fourth of July. It would be hard to set up the fireworks.
Keep writing,
-lost
Hello!
I can't tell you who is going to die - or if there even is a death, because that would kill the point of having a long/short-running story. Sorry.
And yes, it does suck! It's happened to me before, and everyone watching had to stay under the protection of awnings, trees, and other conveniently umbrella-esque objects.
Literally the only complaint I have about this is a nitpick. I'd delete the word "literally" in the "dancing in the rain" bit. Because a) what on earth would he mean by "dancing in the rain" if he didn't mean that she was doing it literally? and b) it's unnecessary, and c) we know he means it literally, since a moment later he talks about the mud splashing on her heel and sundress.
Otherwise, this has really nice imagery and I like the letter format. I'm not usually a big fan of prose poetry, but I think because of the way you set this up--and how short the paragraphs are--it doesn't bug me in this case.
I'm excited for more. I want to see where their story goes, although from the title it's a cinch that it ends unhappily.
Blue
Hi! Thanks for the feedback! I was actually thinking about taking out the 'literally' earlier, so I'm glad that you've solidified my decision.
And yes, you're right, this story won't be ending too happily... 
And yet I have a fangirl's penchant for emotional damage, so I happily look forward to it...