You are flying in the sky. The warm wind blows, as the sun's rays stretch peacefully across the horizon. The
clouds are white as snow. Gracefully, they twirl across the sky, unfurling around you; as if cradled by an angel's wings.
The sunset paints the sky with tendrils of fire. You forget the world bellow, and let yourself be lifted into a peaceful
bliss. The air is fresh and sweet. You close your eyes, and life is but a dream...
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hey there!
Alrighty. Nice job of using adjectives, but I found some minor problems. First of all, the spacing is a bit off.
"You are flying in the sky. The warm wind blows, as the sun's rays stretch peacefully across the horizon. The
clouds are white as snow. Gracefully, they twirl across the sky, unfurling around you; as if cradled by an angel's wings."
Did you mean to place The so far away from clouds? I think the disconnect makes things a bit awkward. I think that if you put "as if cradled by an angel's wings." on a separate line, it would have the imagery stronger. Though I didn't like the separation between the and clouds, I think it works between peaceful and bliss, but I think you should have put bliss on a line by itself, capitalized. Otherwise, it looks like it belongs with "the air is fresh and sweet". It got a bit cliched at the end with " and life it but a dream". Other than that, I applaud the imagery. It did create a flight of bliss.
~Epic
This was a very nice piece. I enjoyed the use of italics and the unique layout you used which was quite eye catching but to admit, just slightly confusing. It was short and sweet which I am always a big fan of. There is only one little nit pick I have which is opinion based so you can ignore it if you wish. I felt that you could have used slightly different descriptions because I have seen several of these descriptions multiple times before which was a bit saddening to me since I am one who cherishes unique descriptions and metaphors dearly. Even though I have seen those descriptions before, I haven't seen them put together in the same way which is quite appealing. Good job and keep writing.