Young Writers Society

All my suggestions will be in ().


A blanket of white roses

A(space)drop of cherry brine,

Black velvit curtain closes(,)

Green grass sprouts it(at, instead of it?) the line(,)

Cloudy warm air flowing(,)

A river crystle blue(,)

Ignorence is knowing(,)

The gates I can't pass through(.)


I really like this, its wonderful. That's all I have to say.

This poem seems a little bit confusing. I can see what you're getting at, but it is hard to understand.

The Good Stuff:

1. You used a lot of good description. A blanket of roses. Velvet. crystal blue.


The Bad Stuff:

1. Typographical errors.
- Adrop should have a space in between the words.
- velvit should be spelled velvet
- crystle should be spelled crystal

2. Confusing words. Cherry Brine. Sorry but when I read this it just sounded wrong. Perhaps a different word would suffice?

3. this seemed a little short. I would love to see this expanded, describing more about this beautiful prison you are trapped in.


I believe that with a little work, this poem could be really amazing. Keep writing!

Hello! Roxy here
first off, you needn't retype the title,its already above!
I wont say any thing about spelling because mithrim already covered that! But there is a spell check option on YWS so maybe you could check that out!
I will say a few commas here and there would help!"
And while I love every thing you've written here, I want more! Another few lines even to finish it off nicely!
If you've any questions, just let me know!
--Roxy

Hello wordsandwishes, it's Mith here to review.

First of all, I think I should tell you that I wish your poem was longer. Where it stops, I don't really know what you're talking about. I love the imagery, especially the lines: "A blanket of white roses" and "Black velvet (not with an 'i') curtain closes".

Sorry, but here is where I become a nit-pick.


Spelling and Grammar:

'Adrop' should have a space between.

'Velvit' (as I mentioned earlier) is spelled 'velvet'.

'crystle' should be 'crystal'

'ignorence', 'ignorance'


Flow and understanding:

"cherry brine" to me, doesn't make much sense. Is it cherry infused salty water or something???

"Green grass sprouts it the line" ... what does this mean?

Otherwise, really great flow - the rhyming helps with that. Nice job!


Overall:

Sorry that I got a little finicky there, but hey, that's my job I suppose. Other than it not making much sense to me, I really loved your poem. My favorite was the end (as it usually is for me). "Ignorance is knowing The gates I can't pass through" - I love this!

I hope to stumble upon more of your poetry.

P.S. If I said something where you're like, "No way!!!" or "What does she mean by that!" feel free to PM me or leave a message here.