Its a journal entry, one of my first. Go gentle-ish, please.
4/11/11
He led me on. I swear it, He led me on.
All the times he smiled at me, all the times he bugged me for my starbust, he was leading me on, and he knew it.
He let me fall in love with him. Dumb mistake.
What happens next is hard to write, but I have too.
Fast forward to Halloween night-sugar drunk. I had just seen the Rocky Horror, I had eaten more gummy worms then I could count, and I announced myself as ‘Halloween Tramp-because there is a tramp for every occasion’
During my obligatory round of Truth or Dare, I grabbed my Itouch. I’m never chosen, because I always choose truth.
So I start up a conversation with him.
FINALLY!
Finally, I tell him that I’ve had a mega crush on him for months, and he replies with a, oh, this is hard to write, but he says that ‘I only like him because he’s from ythe ‘ghetto’ and I think it’s ‘edgy’
What does that even mean?
Great way to help the depression.
Anyway, I’m done with him. I’m done with boys for a very long time.
Even so, though, everytime he hugged me, smiled that infuriatingly cute smile, he totally led me on!
Done! I am done with him!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,027 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
hey wicked here to give you a review!
(don't understand my review system? click my link in my signature and it explains it!)
4/11/11
#FF0000 ">why is this here? what exactly does it mean?
He led me on. I swear it, He led me on.
All the times he smiled at me, all the times he bugged me for my
starbust#0000FF ">starburst?, he was leading me on, and he knew it.He let me fall in love with him.
Dumb mistake.What happens next is hard to write, but I have too.
#408040 ">Fast forward to Halloween night-sugar drunk. I had just seen the Rocky Horror, I had eaten more gummy worms then I could count, and I announced myself as ‘Halloween Tramp-because there is a tramp for every occasion’
During my obligatory round of Truth or Dare, I grabbed my Itouch. I’m never chosen, because I always choose truth.
So I start up a conversation with him.
FINALLY!
Finally, I tell him that I’ve had a mega crush on him for months, and he replies with a, oh, this is hard to write, but he says that ‘I only like him because he’s from ythe ‘ghetto’ and I think it’s ‘edgy’
#FF0000 ">ok this is really disrespectful I knw alot of people like that and they WOULD NOT apperciate it
What does that even mean?
Great way to help the depression.
Anyway, I’m done with him. I’m done with boys for a very long time.
Even so, though, everytime he hugged me, smiled that infuriatingly cute smile, he totally led me on!
Done! I am done with him!
#FF00BF ">if this happened to you I am desperately sorry!
overall
Sorry if I was really harsh and bye!
~pointe
Hi wickedwonder! I'm Nike, I'm here to review.
If I'm a little harsh, it's just to help you
Here; I don't like it. You should re-word it or something. "He led me on." Is good but, "I swear it." makes no sense.
The rest is great. If it's a journal entry it's good. But I would like some more description. Tell us about their realationship. Inform us about the situation 'cause now I'm clearly lost. So if you edit then PM me, and if you want help PM me.
Keep Writing!
Nike
Hi wickedwonder!
I really did like this. The story was simple and relate-able. I never get tired of teen angst. My favorite line was this one:
I don't know why but that line gives me goosebumps, I love it so much. Maybe I'm jealous she has gummy-worms.
After that line I get confused. Maybe I'm just tired and not reading it right, but I don't understand where she is or why she is playing truth or dare. Are others with her? I assumed it was some sort of party. Was the boy there? Is that where she talks to him?
And then this line totally wonked my brain:
Is he referring to himself? At first I thought it was a direct quote and that he was referring to another guy. Maybe you should replace "I" with "you". I don't know, maybe I'm the only one that got confused by that.
On a lighter note, I would have loved more background on their relationship before she lets the cat out of the bag! She mentions that he hugged her and smiled at her but she had never talked to him before? I'm dying to know more!
I hope this review helped a bit!
-Lauren