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125,005 Literary Works • 672,796 Reviews
Hello,
I am presumming this is part of a novel,yes? I have no read any of the toher chapters of the story but I do not think I need to. It works very well as a first chapter almost as it put you straight into the M.C. point of view giving them your "fuzzy memory." If this isn't in the other chapters I struggle to see what is, and think it may be pointless reading them . . .possibly.
This works very well, I was rather gripped. Actually, I was gripped from when they said "scars and dried blood. It pulled me straight in and was like okay where is this going. I didn't get the fantasy til the very end but that worked just fine as it was easing us in slowly.
It is hard to pin point any of the bad points, but the main feel I got was that it felt rushed. It was as if it was written in five minutes, I would go over it with a "fine comb" and just build around it more. Maybe a bit more description, or heighten the already given description. It also could do with a little more length as it was a very short chapter, unless this was intentional.
A solid seven out of ten, but it could be amazing.
PM me for anything or if you would like a review for your next chapter.
~Retro Disco666