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I stared at the ring that was weighing down my left ring finger. I loathed that damn ring; it was the source of all my troubles. Twenty-seven! I was only twenty-seven, I didn’t need James. He only wanted to marry me because of the money, anyway. Everyone knew he didn’t love me.
I swigged from the brown bottle I clutched in my right hand and stared at the man who sat curled over the piano. I could hear the iridescent chimes of the notes, but I shoved them out of my mind. I stared at the little diamonds, which winked evilly under the low lighting.
I put the bottle down on the counter, and the bartender slid me another bottle.
“Put it on my tab.” I said without looking up from my ring. I had been spending more and more time at this dingy bar ever since my cursed engagement a month ago. Everyone thought it would be good for me. Everyone but me.
I shimmed the ring off my finger and slammed it onto the counter. At once, my finger and heart felt lighter. I pulled a scrap of paper and pen from my purse, then scrawled a hasty note to leave for James to find.
I’m sorry. We both know the truth. I left the ring next to the note, not caring if some bum picked it up the second I left.
I flicked a couple bills to bartender and stepped back into the snowy streets of New York City.
I left James and my problems behind, walking alone into the night
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
Nice. I like the descripive words you give.
"the dingy bar"
"the snowy city"
"stared at the little diamonds, which winked evilly under the low lighting."
I also liked how it started off. The reader is wondering where the person is; wondering why he/she hates the ring so much.
You developed the story very well, too, although a little more description would be nice(:
I want to kno more about her. What HER name is, why she even agreed to marry James in the first place?
I give it a 4 out of 5 stars.
Alo. Wow his is clearly a very refined piece!
Here is the only technical thingy I found. Put the actual words in italics, so we know where the letter ends. Besides that the piece is pretty perfect. I think you should tell us a bit more about their relationship, it seems as if she doesn't have any feelings towards James, so why did she say yes in the first place? Did she feel any love for him back then? Or was it marriage of convenience? Just tell us a bit more there...and that's all
That was an interesting story and it shows true emotions and truth in some relationships which is great. I'm not a person who can just put emotions out like that but I try... which is better than not trying to improve. I loved it and I will review more of your works once i finish writing my next chapter.
Dun dun dunnnnnn!
As a side note, it always strikes me as funny when people describe cities as being snowy. I have never been in a big city which has snow. I guess that's a good thing?
Anyway, I would really like to see some detail here! for instance, why did they even get together? And can't she just break off the engagement like a regular person, without leaving everything behind? It doesn't quite seem right! So basically? More info, please!