One day I met a little bird
It had a broken wing
I bent down to him
And he started to sing
"Help me!" he seemed to say
So I lent him my hand
I took a good look at him
He was the color of sand
He jumped into my hand
As if he knew I would help right away
I put him under a tree
And he gave me a happy chirp to assure me he was okay
Then one fine day I went to the tree
Where I had put my sweet little chickadee
"I'm fine!" he said "thanks for your help!
I'll never forget you my friend!"
He then took flight and I never saw him again
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Canary word: Present
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
I really enjoyed this poem.
It had a nice flow to it.
I liked how you add a voice to the bird.
It made the poem more animated
and added a sense of cuteness to the poem.
Let me start by welcoming you to YWS! ^_^ It's always nice to see all the new members we get.
Just a heads up, in case you didn't know, we have a 2:1 rule when it comes to posting. For every one piece you put in for review, you need to review 2 (for other people). This helps you earn points so you can post more, and it also helps you make friends and get other people to look at your work.
Your poem is very nice, I thought it was quite cute. The only real suggestion I have for you is to reconsider the three verses I put in bold. It seems there is jump in narration. The two lines 'I took a good look at him/He was the color or sand" seem to interrupt the flow of the 'story' because you bring back up the hand afterwards. It also stands out to me because you have 'hand' twice so close together. Maybe if you used a synonym for hand it would be smoother.
But besides that little bit of nitpicking, this is a nice poem.
^_^ Keek
Very sweet poem. Your rhythm was great except I stumbled a little with the line:
"And he gave me a happy chirp to assure me he was okay"
But I think taking out just one or two words like And would make it flow a bit better.
Overall very nice.