Alternate
Prologue
I struggled against myself as I brought the knife up toward my neck. I tried fighting it but I was not in control.
Darkness flitted across my vision as the knife started to dig into my neck. As I sank to the ground after the knife hit its mark, I gained control again, but by that point there was nothing I could do other than accept the fact that I was going to die.
As
the darkness started to swallow me, I smiled because I was finally
going to be free of her.
End of chapter
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139,824 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, if this isn't a killer prologue, I don't know what is....
pun totally intended, sorry...I promise this will be the first and last one of those I use.Anyway, well, wow, this is a really simple prologue that you've got here, it is really short after all, but well, it is most definitely a very effective one despite its small size. It can certainly do the job of getting a reader's attention, cause that is a very powerful scene, not to mention that line at the very end has certainly been very well chosen for its job there.
And of course the sense of building tension and the sudden release of said tension that you create here is truly quite amazing, especially considering the few words it has, but the way that you talk of this darkness, and this knife being out of the control of this person here certainly do the trick. The description of it beginning to push its way in and then the sudden cut towards the knife having hit its mark and everything being over is just...a wonderfully done scene there.
Aaand yup, this is pretty much all I've gotta say here, its just a really well executed little prologue, and I would most definitely want to read on to see what happens in this story, especially that last line is just calling to me here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello Wolfsbane, Ivywater here.
I really like how simple you kept the prologue. It didn't reveal much about the story, but enough to give the reader a good idea about what's happening. The ending definitely gave off a feeling of suspense and curiosity, which is a good thing because it grasps your reader, making them want to read more (but i'm sure you already knew that). I would just change the title a tad bit, mainly by adding a comma between "Alternate" and "Prologue". Without that comma it sounds like it's an alternate version of a prologue....
But that's about it. Good job and keep writing.
Thank you, I realized the title error right after I posted it and i don;t know if i can change it.
You can go to your portfolio and change it any time.
You're welcome by the way.
Hello there Wolfsbane!
Ice Winifredd here for a review! Oh and Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Let's get down to business, shall we? I liked it. This simplicity of the writing for me was both good and bad. Good because it didn't give anything away. It was short, but i think it gives the reader enough of a hint as to what's going on and where the story is going to go without revealing any of the important stuff. The ending especially adds on to the curiosity the reader acquires that will compel them to keep reading on to learn more of the characters and the plot of this story. It's bad in a sense that it doesn't give enough of a hook to keep the reader fully entertained. I get that it's a prologue so you're not going to reveal the juicy stuff just yet. But I feel like you should add more thoughts, feelings, emotions, actions,and dialogue so it seems less empty and dry. Other than that, I liked it and I hope you will continue with this story. I fee l that it has potential of becoming a really epic story. Keep on writing!
Thanks IceWinifredd, its so short because it will actually be a part of the story and everything revolves around this so I wanted to make it short and memorable. There is no dialogue because she is alone and literally fighting against herself and the only emotion that I wanted in this part was desperation which I hope i portrayed. So far I have 5000 words in this story and I'm just waiting to get more points before i can post more. Either way, thank you for your input as it is always welcome.
You're welcome. I think you conveyed desperation very well here. Let me know when you upload more. I look forward to reviewing.
For sure!! I don't know if when you follow someone you receive notification when they post new things or not... I'm new and still figuring things out.. If that's the case then follow me and I'll follow you, or just keep an eye out if that's not the case. I look forward to your critique.
Okey dokey!No problem! I should see it if I follow but shoot me a PM just in case and I'll be over to review! Thanks for the follow!
what' a PM?
A private message.
oh ok. I figured it out
Great!