I waited for your flow return.
I waited and waited
Moon to sun-
I waited.
I praise and curse
Gravity
It drew you into my life
And out just as fast.
I wanted to share so much more with you
But I could not stop it.
You were taken away with the ebb
And instead of flowing back to me
You flew on-
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140,367 Literary Works • 673,125 Reviews
Hello!
This poem has a lot of sweet sentiments that I feel a lot of us can relate to. Most people have been left behind by someone or other they care about, I'm sure, so this poem can really relate to people.
However, other than that initial "yeah, I can relate to this," I'm not sure anyone will remember this poem. There's not really anything special about it that would stick with me over the years. I think part of this is because while you do have a nice central image of ebb and flow (also you're missing a b in your title, I think), you don't really have concrete images that the reader can picture super duper clearly in his or her mind. I suggest making a bigger deal out of these waves and relying more on metaphor to get your point across. If you want your poem to be just nice, you can keep it how it is, but if you want it to be memorable, I suggest taking it up a notch. If you don't know how to do this now, I think the best way is to just practice and make mistakes! Don't be afraid to try things that are a little "out there," and people can tell you if they think it worked or not.
I hope this helped.
Great job, and keep writing!
~fortis
Hi woeth jessiebear here to do a short review on your work. and I hope what I say will be of any help. And if it is rood pleas let m no what I said that was rood. Okay lets big in with the review.
Okay what I liked about the poem.
First the riming is perfect and the name of this poem is very in treating I must say. And it is very romantic to.
Now to cut to the chase. Lets start with the review.
Okay the poem is very nice but it has some problems.
Like this one you can not have a capital litter if there are no full stops on the privies sent ins. Let me give you some which you have done.
(Moon to sun-)
(I waited.)
(Gravity)
(It drew you into my life)
(And out just as fast.)
(But I could not stop it.)
(And instead of flowing back to me)
(You flew on-)
And you can not start a sent ins with a and because it is a joining word.
These you need to fixe.
Any way that is all I have to come planet about on your poem.
So what I have to say is I loved the poem ether why so fantastic and grate job. And I hope you will keep on weighting because I am looking for word to reading more of your work. And I hope you will let me now when you have posted another poem so I can review it are say what I liked about it for you. And I hope you will keep up the good work. And I hope you will keep on writing poems.
And I hope you have a fantastic day are night.
From jessiebear.