From little girls protectors,
To the people they need protection from.
From girls
clothes, behavior, and dreams,
Women's careers, and lifestyle.
All criticized for one thing
Their gender.
To the streets you once loved,
To the streets you now fear.
Innocence stripped like cloth
Yet those "men" come from women.
Dagger like eyes,
Cut our clothing off.
Piece by Piece.
Yet "excuses" keep us quiet,
But why,
Why are we to be blamed?
Our youth,
Our innocence.
Stolen with no justice served.
To "satisfy" a "man's" needs
You strip her of her purity.
And now there's a girl
Too old to be a kid
Too young to be an adult
She wears a necklace.
A gold chain around her neck
A sign of beauty she says
A symbol that represents.
It's funny
How the world still spins.
While hers stopped.
And she just thinks.
How to get away?
How to survive?
How to breathe?
How to make it "stop"?
yet they never learn.
And they continue to pluck flowers
in a garden full of words.
A peaceful girl,
placed in front of the whole world
her petals falling.
Her stem, now torn.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello!
Ley here to review this piece for you!
First impressions...
This was something that sounded exactly what I imagined an empowering spoken-word speech would sound like. The tone, the language, everything was filled with emotion. As a female, I can relate to this heavily, so I was immediately drawn to this piece!When I was reading this I felt...
Sad, angry, let down. I feel like this poem really exposes what it's like to be a woman nowadays. Even from the start of time-- women were a minority. And even now, we have yet to have a female President. Women still are looked down upon by men when they try to work 'men's' jobs. It's sad, and this could really make some people realize what's happening.My favorite line/quote is...
These were my favorite lines because they were truly the most powerful. I also loved your use of the underline for 'they never learn'. Wonderful job!
Some things I would change would be...
Nothing major, I loved this piece just as it is, but I have a few recommendations for you:I feel like the quotations around the words 'excuses' and 'satisfy' and 'man's' can be written as I just did here ^ since they aren't dialogue.
Also, here, I feel like 'a sign of beauty she says' could be written like this:
"A sign of beauty," she says,
because this is dialogue. These are just recommendations, so take them with a grain of salt.
Overall...
This was a wonderful and powerful and relatable read. Thank you so much for sharing! Happy Holidays!With Love,
Leya
Thank you so much, this truly means a lot! I will make sure to keep your reccomendations in mind when I write more. Happy holidays !
First of all well done on your first poem! It a big step and a milestone. So congrats. The poem resonated with fear, something I had never really appreciated before being a man. I liked the lines "yet those "men" come from women" something that shows the irony and stupidity of sexism. The whole poem cuts deep and forces you to look at the world how it is. Its very good and hard to swallow, but needs to be acknowledged.
Thank you so much, your commentary means a lot !
Good afternoon writer and a belated welcome to YWS! Cupid here, I thought I'd fly over a review for you! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today! But I thought I'd put a twist on it and make a new years themed review. Let's get to it, shall we?
🔢 Counting Down to New Beginnings: First Impression:
As I read your poem, I couldn't help but a surge of emotion coursing through me. As someone who grew up in a household that was raised based off the same ideas, your words pierced through the barriers my mind and settled deep in my heart. The raw honesty and vulnerability with which you addressed the experiences of girls and women in society is truly commendable. You shine a light on the harsh reality of a world that too often judges, criticizes and belittles individuals based solely on their gender. Your poem serves as a powerful reminder of the injustices that persist and the battles fought daily by those due to their gender.
📝 Setting Resolutions: Room Improvements!
I couldn't find anything that needed improvement, the structure and flow of your poem help to create a powerful impact. The repetition certain phrases, such as "To the streets you once loved, to the streets you now fear" and "Too old to be a kid, too young an adult," contribute to the overall rhythm and add emphasis to the central theme! Your use of vivid and evocative imagery creates a sense of urgency and pain. Perhaps one suggestion would be to explore different poetic devices or techniques, such metaphors or similes, to further enhance the emotional impact of your words. Other then that little nit-pick, well done!
✨Shining night stars: Highlights of Piece
Your poem effectively highlights the injustices and inequalities faced by girls and women due to their gender. The contrasting images offer turning into sources of fear and innocence being stripped away demonstrate the heartbreaking reality many girls and women face. The repetition of the phrase "stolen with no justice served" emphasizes the lack of accountability and adds to the sense of frustration and endlessness conveyed in the poem.
🎆 Fireworks of Emotion: Favorite lines!
Wow, I feel like this line sets the tone for the poem and immediately captures the reader's attention! It succinctulates the overall theme of the poem and raises questions about society's role perpetuating gender inequality.
This line is so well written! It beautifully portray the vulnerability and resilience of women in the face of adversity. The metaphor of "plucking flowers in a garden full of words" serves as a powerful commentary on the objectification and disregard girls and women. You're an amazing writer! and your imagery is perfectly written! Well done o(*°▽°*)o
🥂 A Toast to the Future: Closing thoughts
In conclusion your poem serves as a beautiful reminder of the plea for justice and sheds light on the inequalities that girls and women across the world face every day. Your words evoke a sense of urgency and call change, May your future writing continue to amplify important societal issues and inspire others take action! Thank you for sharing your voice and letting it resonate with those who read your work. Happy writing, and may the new years bring you the experiences and growth that you seek.
Fly high writer, Cupid 💘
Hello !! I just really want and need to say thank you so much for your comment! You literally have made my night better, since this morning I e been stressing about the accounts I made to post more of my writing and also posting on these writing sites. But because of this comment I can finally go to sleep %uD83D%uDE05. You have no idea how much this means to me, I will never forget this thank you so much !
And a happy new years to you as well!!!
Aw I'm glad I could help out! Also, welcome to the site we're all happy to have you here