Young Writers Society

Hello! Ley here to review this piece for you!

First impressions...

How to get away?

How to survive?

How to breathe?

How to make it "stop"?

yet they never learn.

Yet "excuses" keep us quiet,

To "satisfy" a "man's" needs

A gold chain around her neck

A sign of beauty she says

A symbol that represents.

First of all well done on your first poem! It a big step and a milestone. So congrats. The poem resonated with fear, something I had never really appreciated before being a man. I liked the lines "yet those "men" come from women" something that shows the irony and stupidity of sexism. The whole poem cuts deep and forces you to look at the world how it is. Its very good and hard to swallow, but needs to be acknowledged.

Good afternoon writer and a belated welcome to YWS! Cupid here, I thought I'd fly over a review for you! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today! But I thought I'd put a twist on it and make a new years themed review. Let's get to it, shall we?


🔢 Counting Down to New Beginnings: First Impression:

As I read your poem, I couldn't help but a surge of emotion coursing through me. As someone who grew up in a household that was raised based off the same ideas, your words pierced through the barriers my mind and settled deep in my heart. The raw honesty and vulnerability with which you addressed the experiences of girls and women in society is truly commendable. You shine a light on the harsh reality of a world that too often judges, criticizes and belittles individuals based solely on their gender. Your poem serves as a powerful reminder of the injustices that persist and the battles fought daily by those due to their gender.

📝 Setting Resolutions: Room Improvements!

I couldn't find anything that needed improvement, the structure and flow of your poem help to create a powerful impact. The repetition certain phrases, such as "To the streets you once loved, to the streets you now fear" and "Too old to be a kid, too young an adult," contribute to the overall rhythm and add emphasis to the central theme! Your use of vivid and evocative imagery creates a sense of urgency and pain. Perhaps one suggestion would be to explore different poetic devices or techniques, such metaphors or similes, to further enhance the emotional impact of your words. Other then that little nit-pick, well done!

✨Shining night stars: Highlights of Piece

Your poem effectively highlights the injustices and inequalities faced by girls and women due to their gender. The contrasting images offer turning into sources of fear and innocence being stripped away demonstrate the heartbreaking reality many girls and women face. The repetition of the phrase "stolen with no justice served" emphasizes the lack of accountability and adds to the sense of frustration and endlessness conveyed in the poem.

🎆 Fireworks of Emotion: Favorite lines!

"From little girls protectors, to the people they need protection from."

"And they continue to pluck flowers in a garden full of words. A peaceful girl, placed in front of the whole world, her falling, her stem now torn."