Published March 27, 2009
A person changed.
The face is still the same
But that person isn't familiar.
The girl in the mirror looks out with so much hate.
I don't even know her.
A person changed.
Nothing is what it should be.
What happened to your hopes? To your dreams?
What happened that made you want to throw your life away?
And when did everything stop being okay?
A person changed.
I see the way you look at me.
I can see it in your eyes.
I'm not who you wanted me to be.
Just so damn unrecognisable.
That person changed.
That girl in the mirror
She can't tell me if she's happier.
She can't say if life is any easier.
But there's one thing she knows...
There's not a chance she's going back.
Not back to who she was.
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140,890 Literary Works • 673,701 Reviews
A good poem, but there are small mistakes.
There should be a comma after 'same' and always before any other 'but'.
Familiar? To whom? Me? You? Him/her? You have to watch out for things like that. You can't leave a statement like this incomplete, because that makes the statement weaker. Give it a personality.
The second stanza is good, but the questions are a bit cliché and feel much generalised. Like I said before, give the girl a personality. Even though you 'don't know' the person that is in the mirror, you have to somehow connect to the person that is looking into it. After all, it is a reflection. The best way to do that is to come up with a story. Something in the background. Why did she change? Give it clues; otherwise the poem could be about anything.
The third stanza is actually pretty good. There is definitely more character in it. Try developing that.
This is grammatically incorrect. I would change it to
'The girl in the mirror
won't tell me if she's happy.'
This sounds very personal and direct.
The rest is good.
I hope my comment will help. Overall, this is an interesting poem.
Nathan.
Hello dear,
I enjoyed this piece very much. I agree with what everyone else said. This was my favorite stanza:
A person changed.
I see the way you look at me.
I can see it in your eyes.
I'm not who you wanted me to be.
Just so damn unrecognisable.
so powerful to me.
I look forward to seeing more work from. Happy writing!
-laydra
I don't know what to say. I loved it. In my perspective, you had no errors. Where did you learn such a way with words? I'm so not that good. Did you go to writing school? When I was younger, in elementary school, I was in the writing club. But anyhow, I really liked the poem. You have a way with words.
That person changed.
That girl in the mirror
She can't tell me if she's happier.
She can't say if life is any easier.
But there's one thing she knows...
There's not a chance she's going back.
Not back to who she was
OOOKAY.WELL FIRST OF ALL HELLO.!! UUHHHM WELL. . . I LIKED THIS POEM BUT THE ENDING PARAGRAPH I FELL IN LOVE WITH. wAT WAS IT SUPPOSED TO MEAN THOUGH WAS IT LIKE AS IF THE GOOD PERSON SH USED TO BE WASNT COMING BACK OR WAS IT THE BAD PERSON SHE USED TO BE ISNT COMING BACK??
hiii, this is a very good piece of poetry. i can't wait to see some of your other work. i agree with marnie.grace and peanutgallery so i am not going to repeat.
i think this bit is the best it shows how the person has reformed themselfes i love this bit
Agreeing with peanutgalley.This is amazing and you are one great writer. Looking forward to some of your other work.
I'm not going to repeat everything that has already been said but I am going to say this.
I LOVE THIS
Feels like it should be apart of a song.
Well done. Keep up the good work!
Cool! It is very nice to see your first work, so you can start grabbing reviews from some of our best critics here. (Not that I'm one of the best... not yet!) Anyway, lets analyze this piece of yours, shall we?
I would make this two lines if I were you.
I would make this two lines also. Try dividing it either after 'happened' or after 'want to'.
I would put a comma after all of these.
All-in-all, a great poem! I loved it. I hope to review more works of yours!
[spoiler]I give it a seven and a half out of ten