Black lines of symmetry,
Dividing the pages, the stages, the ages,
A cheesy feeling in my chest,
The type you read of in quiet books in quiet libraries
With quiet people who stay within the lines they're supposed to stay in.
The fluttering makes me nervous,
Because butterflies are colorful but they are not order
And they fly over lines like they're not a defined border
As if I can walk to you easily,
Hold out a hand and pull you to me--
They say if I want to be colorful, I should just use sharpies.
Sharpies are precise, they draw the lines I'm told to hide behind,
They say I can color my own space if I want to but only if I do it like I'm supposed to
And the butterflies climb higher up my throat, choking, provoking,
And with them rises an urge to throw up, to break down, to get out
Because all they want is to be free, to explore, to color a white world and make it something more
And that's something I can't let them do no matter how much I long to be free
Because these lines drawn by others define our planes of reality,
Our predetermined patterns of existence, and I cannot battle sharpie with sharpie.
I want to be in grade school, to hold your hand and not be told why I can't,
I want race and religion to not matter, for the people who surround me to see how easily I can shatter
I don't want to draw in sharpies, dividing the worlds between you and me
I want to color with crayons and markers and butterfly wings
And even though I know it's just a childish dream,
I can't help but wonder what you'd think
If you saw me doing what I've longed to do, saw me as who I've longed to be--
Would you leave the defined world behind and color outside the lines with me?
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139,254 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
This really is something special. I hope to see more from you in the future!
Thank you so much, I'm happy you liked it : )
Hey, Zekcede here with a review!
I love this so much! I love the way it describes childhood innocence in a way that isn't extremely bland and boring. The narrator is a very interesting character, and i think it would be really cool to see some sort of a continuation of the character growing up further? Like, waking up in a world where their dreams were fulfilled? I think that would be amazing, but back to this poem.
--
Some of my favourite lines:
- "all they want is to be free, to explore, to color a white world"
- "the butterflies climb higher up my throat, choking, provoking,"
- "if I want to be colorful, I should just use sharpies."
- "leave the defined world behind and color outside the lines with me?"
--
These aren't the only outstanding parts, but are just a few worth mentioning. I really love the style in which you write, it feels very alive and i love that. There are a few instances where i would choose slightly different words with the sole purpose of making it more intriguing, but that's all my commentary for you. Keep it up! I love your work.
-Z
Thank you!! I'm really happy you liked it. Do you know what instances you might've chosen slightly different words, just so I can look at those spots? Thanks!
in the three following lines I already replaced them so I guess you'll have to find the original lines int eh poem yourself bc I didn't think that far ahead sry
Our predetermined patterns of permanence, and I cannot battle sharpie with sharpie.
And with them arises an urge to throw up, to break down, to get out
And even though I know it's just a childish fantasy,
Ahh, wolf, this is such a pretty poem! The tone was kinda soft and slow in the beginning, and by the time it got to the last stanza, it started to get stronger and stronger, which I feel is what made it most powerful for me! And the last two lines were just ah <3 So nice!! ;w; And the way you tied in the butterflies and butterfly wings was really sweet too. I really enjoyed this! Thank you so much for writing this poem. 200 points being sent your way!
Aww, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it : D
Hey there! MapleWay here dropping by with a quick review!
Before I start the review I want to talk about the title. It's just so grabbing! I really like the metaphor because t is not used too often. Also, if you want to be grammatically correct "The" shouldn't be capitalized. Anyways, onto the review!
This was a great piece. It had a bit of rhyming (which I liked) and there was a ton of metaphors. Personally, I'm a big fan of metaphors. Nothing really beats a good metaphor. My favorite line was this one. I don't want to draw in sharpies, dividing the worlds between you and me" I really liked the way you describe sharpies as a way of dividing you from this special person. Because of how orderly and precise they are. It really adds a nice touch! The one thing I want to touch on before I end is the line where you try and use italics. I saw you used a bb code but that doesn't work on literary works. To fix it, simply edit the work. Take out the bb code. Highlight it. And tap on the italics button on top. If you have more questions feel free to ask me!
Anyways great poem! Could you tag me if you do another?
- MapleWay
Thank you for the review! I will definitely let you know if I end up doing another piece of work like this : ) I've got another poem up already called "Twenty-One Days" which I believe can be accessed through my portfolio? Also, I realized soon after I published it that the bb code wasn't going to work here XD. I usually hang out in the storybook realm and I'm used to those rules, so I wasn't expecting it to not work, lol. Thanks for the feedback!!
No problem! I'll check that other poem out later as well!