Young Writers Society

Hi there, just leaving a short review for your poem.

The rhyming of this piece, made it a bit sing-songy and fun to read. One problem I had while reading, was that the flow of the lines were a bit difficult to piece together in a way that made sense. This was partly due to a lack of punctuation marks. Also the topic sort of bounced from place to place. This poem covers a new theme in almost every line (identity, place, belonging, freedom, hate, dreams). I would suggest trying to figure out the theme or narrative you want to tell, simplify it, and then make the poem express that and take out anything that doesn't fit with that one vision. That way you don't have added information to distract readers from what you're trying to get across.

Overall, great start! I hope to read more of your writing in the future!

Best,

~alliyah

Hey there, I see nothing wrong with your work.
sometimes the things that please us even if they are right won't please the ones around us. They always expect us to better, but in our heart we might feel full. What I'm saying is never listen to people around you, what they like. Your parents, they want what's best for you but some decisions in our life are better made by us because our parents won't be around for our entire life, will they?. Follow you heart and make your dreams come true, break away from the chain of expectations and fly into the unknown without fear.

This is very simple, yet holds so much meaning for many, especially those who feel the same way. I like how the first line is a question and that the things that follow it are what you want. When looking at this I can see that there is a variety of words but at the same time, there are words that are very similar (or used twice). I have a question... in the title it say old, did you mean that you wrote this in the past?