I am a monster. Or at least that is what they called me. I hated being called a monster; what different was I from them? I am a human. Just like them, I have limbs, a heart, feelings. Just because I did something they consider disdainful doesn't mean I'm a monster. Does it?
I remember that day---clear as a tranquil pond in the oasis. It was sunny, enough to bring half the city indoors, but the market was as busy as always. During those days, I didn't have a place to live, much less sleep. I had to starve in order to eat. But I never stole, for stealing was considered something so lowly. Tell me, what is lowlier than living on the streets, eating scraps from the dusty ground? I had to do it---I had no choice; the bag of coins was just an inch from my fingertips. And if I managed? I would never starve again.
I never knew it was as bad as murder here. Rumors that I heard from merchants included how this city was rather strict on thievery. I did not believe that it would be that strict. I was labelled as a monster, caged in a box of glass where people from outside laugh at me. They scared me, the way they cannot sympathize, how they never bothered to learn 'why'. I flinched as a woman poked her finger at the glass, "Oh! Look at its face!" 'It', they called me 'it', as if I was nothing more than a funny revolutionary poster. The woman was still laughing when I curled up and covered myself with my shawl---it was ragged but it's better than facing the piercing stares. As I closed my eyes, I could still feel the mocking looks; and wished nothing more than to be at the place I call home, a matted fur mat that I slept on every night...until now.
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141,246 Literary Works • 674,332 Reviews
I enjoyed this prose. The opening establishes the conflict immediately, and the narrator does not deny that they stole; instead, they question whether that act makes them a “monster.” The image of the glass box effectively represents their dehumanization. The ending was probably my favorite part; the fact that their idea of home is simply a matted fur mat makes the narrator feel much more vulnerable and adds a bittersweet quality to the scene.
The main issue holding the piece back is that some themes are explained too directly. The opening spends significant time telling us that the narrator is human and should not be considered a monster, while later scenes already demonstrate this through their treatment. Trusting those scenes would strengthen the message. There are some grammatical and wording issues that interrupt the flow, such as “What different was I from them?” and the tense shift in “it’s better than facing.” I was also curious about the idea that theft is treated almost as severely as murder; expanding on why this society is so strict could make the premise and the narrator's situation even more compelling.
Thank you for this read.
Yoo, Aster here!
I'll try my best to express my views on this piece!
First, I really liked the opening! “I am a monster. Or at least that is what they called me.” is a strong hook because it immediately makes me wonder what this person did and whether they actually deserve the label.
Second, I really liked the way you explored dehumanization. The shift from calling the narrator a “monster” to calling them “it” makes the situation feel much more disturbing, because it shows that the people watching aren't even trying to see them as a person anymore.
Third, I enjoyed the contrast between the character's circumstances and society's judgment. The narrator is starving, homeless and desperate, yet the people outside only seem interested in punishing them rather than understanding why they stole. That moral conflict gives the story much more depth. Even the little detail about the ragged shawl and the fur mat makes the character feel more human.
Now, onto a couple of areas for improvement!
First, I'd suggest checking some of the wording and grammar. For example, “what different was I from them?” could be “how different was I from them?”, and “I had to starve in order to eat” feels confusing because the intended meaning seems to be something like having to endure hunger to survive. There are a few similar places where polishing the sentences would make the prose smoother.
Second, I'd love a little more clarity about the world itself. The fact that stealing is treated almost like murder is fascinating, and the glass cage is especially intriguing! I'd definitely like to know why this society is so extreme about thievery. Even a tiny hint could make the setting feel much more developed.
Overall, I really enjoyed this!! The narrator's voice is sympathetic without making the situation completely black-and-white, and I think there's a genuinely interesting story hiding underneath this excerpt. I'd definitely read further to find out what happens to them and, more importantly, why this society treats them this way.
Hope to see more from you! 🎀✨️
(Plus I am secretly loving your piece more than I can express because I appreciate pieces likes these alott)