Positive things first--I like the descriptive imagery in this. It's really quite beautiful, and I can easily imagine it being on a page in one of my favorite books. However--there's one big problem. If this is meant to be an introduction, then it does fail somewhat in its purpose. Despite being very beautiful, it seems more like an opening description or such for a chapter or introduction, not really the whole thing. Reading this, I have no clue what you're writing about. I'd suggest writing this as the beginning of your introduction, not the whole thing. Do save it though, as it is really some beautiful descriptive writing. You obviously have a talent for that.
Points: 36
Reviews: 15
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