The sky was dark and pure, the stars glistening, the galaxies swirling and colliding to create palatial bursts of color and life. The young female stood on the balcony surrounded by clouds, watching the sky as it danced for her, smiling as she watched the beauty grow slowly and elegantly. Of all the things in her life, this was the most beautiful. She watched the stars flicker and twirl before her. They winked at her from the endless arch of void black beyond the moon’s corona. They were close, and yet distant; they were glittering sparks from angel fire. She stood in ultimate tranquility, feeling the beacon of hope each star produced for the lost souls of the world. It seemed that there was a snowfall sparkling throughout outer space, and she felt privileged to witness it in all of it’s glory.
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139,300 Literary Works • 672,526 Reviews
Positive things first--I like the descriptive imagery in this. It's really quite beautiful, and I can easily imagine it being on a page in one of my favorite books. However--there's one big problem. If this is meant to be an introduction, then it does fail somewhat in its purpose. Despite being very beautiful, it seems more like an opening description or such for a chapter or introduction, not really the whole thing. Reading this, I have no clue what you're writing about. I'd suggest writing this as the beginning of your introduction, not the whole thing. Do save it though, as it is really some beautiful descriptive writing. You obviously have a talent for that.
It's a bit hard to write a long review when there's only an introduction. >.<
Anyway, the introduction was good, but a little bit confusing. Maybe try to make the plot a bit more obvious, so that the readers know what to expect. As one of the readers I expect the introduction to tell me short about the story. The descriptions are very good, it sounds so beautiful.
You have done a good job! Looking forward to read more
~Sapfo
Hello wildly! Yes, you really do have a reviewer ready to type our her opinion right about now. ( ; (by the way, I LOVE your username!)
So, to begin with, I found this very beautiful. Anything about the stars, galaxies, constellations, etc., etc., is just so fascinating! You completely did these wonders of the sky justice in your words. I was very entranced and give you an enthusiastic thumbs up! I loved it.
...but on to the icky stuff:
1. The Picture
I don't quite see the need for this photo of the stars. Its absolutely gorgeous, yes, and really does fill a person with wonder but you don't need to add this to your story. Your words itself are so vivid and real, I don't want a picture to toss out the workings of the imagination. If I read something and go, "oh my gooossh, that was just SO descriptively beautiful...!" and then, the author includes a picture to show how its supposed to look like... Well, this is kind of unfair. I think I'm going to go off and pout. *waves*
2. The Story
Besides all your delicious descriptions - well, this might sound kind of harsh - I didn't see much of the need for this uh, prologue or introduction or whatnot. There is a girl; okay, a young female. She is watching, studying, examining the stars. And then - The End. I understand this is just, as you say, an introduction, but if all you're going to say is there a girl on a balcony beholding the stars, then I don't see the point of this. Maybe there is some hidden significance that you'll use later on in your story but right now... No. No comprendo.
I actually think that it would have been nice if you would have put this with the first chapter of your story. It probably would have made much much more sense. Usually, prologues are not stand-alones. Especially in this case.
So. That's really all I've got to say, wild. : 0
I honestly meant no offense by anything I've said, and sincerely hope you found SOME kind of help in this review. Great job in this fantastic little piece and keep up the good work.
Cheers & More
-TheKid