Young Writers Society

I woned what it is about but is very good and could be a little longer.but over all it is very good it is very sad to which shows that you care a lot about how your readers feel and it has a certain vibe that is hard to explain. And maybe it is about someone that is a hostage which would be very sad after what has been going on recently around in the world. And obviously the person which we don't know if he or she is a boy or a girl but over all it is very good

Hello! herby here for a review!
So, first of all, I really like the sense of mystery in this poem. It makes you want to know more about what happened to the character, why they wish that they had died, etc.
I saw a few things that I thought I might point out. First, the 'i' in 'I'm' in the second line isn't capitalized. Then, the next thing I just thought kind of odd. In the last three lines there is an ABA rhyme pattern, but there is no other rhyme in the poem. I think this just sounds kind of weird, and it might have just been a mistake, but you might look into changing that part. Anyway, just a suggestion.
Thanks for the read,
herby

Hello, wholocker!

There's an interesting concept behind this, and I really appreciate that it's from the perspective of the child.

That being said, there are a few issues with premise.

The poem didn't make me suspend my disbelief very well. Because it's from the point of view of the child, and you set up the poem with "I don't have time to say much," There are things that need changing in order to be more realistic.

First of all, if the child doesn't have time to say much, they're probably not going to rhyme. Rhyming takes time to sit down and think about what you're saying, and if the poem starts off with a time constraint, I immediately am put out of the world of the poem.

There's also this weird time thing going on. Is there a point in which the child stops writing and then picks up pen again to continue? It seems that way in the morning line. Make that a little more clear.

To be honest, if a child is being abused in this way, I can't see them being very educated. I wonder how a not very educated child would write this poem?

Altogether, it's a nice idea, but I couldn't really get into it because it didn't seem like the child was writing it at the time when it says they were.

I hope this review proves useful to you! Happy YWSing!

Holy crap, I just got chills.
Please tell me this is fiction?!
But I'm not saying this in a negative way, You can really write! And rhyme!
And scare the living daylights out of me, all the same time.
There is a little bit of a rough patch, here:

"The morning came slowly,

I just cried and cried.

After what happened the night before,

I wish that I had died."

But, my God, you hardly notice it in the midst of the horror that besets you after reading it!

Hello wholocker78218,
Myjaspercat here for your review

First thing I would like to mention would be that I do like the concept behind this poem. And if I am thinking about this correctly, this is a very sad and somewhat twisted piece. So to clear up what I am thinking I will say what I believe this poem is about (if I am wrong) then please correct me and that is what I will write this review based upon. (I am pretty sure however that I am either right or very close to it.)

MY INTERPERATION:
This poem is about a child who is abused by his/her family (or just his/her parents) and wished they were dead.

Now after I got all that cleared up, onwards!

1.) "I don't have time to say much,
But right now I'm on my own."
----As the beginning lines of this poem, this is where you set the mood (normally) for how the rest of the poem is going to sound. You do a good job with this but I have only one concern. How are you/narrator telling this poem? By the way you have this read makes it sound like you are talking directly (face-face) to the audience/your reader but I would assume you are alone. So, are you writing this on paper and if so, is that what will make them mad.

2.) "Last time they got angry,
I was left with broken bones."
----Again (cause I think I may have already mentioned this) I like the emotions this brings to the rest of the piece. It really adds a sense of sadness. However, again I have one suggestion, what made them get angry. You don't have to make this super long but instead just leave small little hints so your reader gets the basic info they need to 'stay in the loop'.

3.) "The morning came slowly,
I just cried and cried. "
----Which morning came slow? Describe more on this.

4.) "After what happened the night before,
I wish that I had died."
----What happened? Did they beat him/her? Did they abuse him/her in another way? What.

So overall I do think that this has a significant amount of potential. The concept is good, sad, but good. To really make this amazing, give us more detail, not much but more. Good job, Continue writing ----Myjaspercat.