Published April 18, 2010
Falling into a dark abyss,
Ugly thoughts run through your mind.
Light left you a millenia ago,
Lost its purpose entirely.
You know what's coming next, of course.
Anything could be real in this hole,
Lucifer, unicorns, magic; all supposed myths.
If you survive, what can you do? A
Vast ocean could be waiting for you at the bottom.
Even though you could die at any moment, right now you're fully alive.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
At first I wasn't sure what I thought of this poem until I reached the second stanza. The last line made it make perfect sense. The only problem I had with this poem was the movement of the first stanza. You start with "falling" as your verb, and in the next sentence you use the less-active "run." Okay, okay, "run" is active, but the word running seems more active, imagery-wise.
So I'd say go for:
Falling into a dark abyss,
Ugly thoughts running through your mind.
Overall, very nice. Each time I read it I find these new messages hidden between the lines and woven between the words, and it's not even a long poem. You deserve a pat on the back for this one.
-Shina
I really like this, good poem
on the whole it's very good, well thought out