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lve letter frm a brken keybard

by whatchamacallit



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25 Reviews


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Sun Aug 15, 2021 4:57 pm
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winterwolf0100 wrote a review...



Wow, you've managed to draw me out of my reviewing cave, which is, admittedly, impressive! It's only happened 25 times in my two year stay here, so good job on you! I make sure I only leave reviews on things I'm genuinely interested in and feel I have feedback on because I don't want to take a work out of the green room with a review that isn't very interesting or informative. So I've been watching this for a while now and it just slipped my mind, butttttt this came to the literary spotlight once again and I decided to finally dive in deep to this poem because why not? Bear with me as my thoughts splatter across the computer screen in an illogical and random order.

So into the actual review: I'll dive into the actual lines in a minute, but the first thing I'll note on is the format, which I LOVE. I have no idea what program you used to create this, but it's brilliant. There are so many small and hidden details that you've thrown in there that I absolutely love. The first that I'll point out is at the very top in the tab, it shows you as searching the synonyms for ME of which there are zero results. This really shows the uniqueness of the poem and the author because there really isn't a synonym for a person. Nobody is going to be similar enough to correct or replace someone, and I love the message behind it.

Secondly, the title is great. I've looked at this work and its title numerous times, and only just now realized the only letter you don't include is 'o'. There's no significance behind that, but I just thought you left out random letters, when in actuality you left out one specifically, which means you likely spent time picking out those words in the title specifically so you could leave one single letter out and it look broken, just like the keyboard (which is a lovely metaphor for life and people in general, by the way.)

In the search bar, we see that you've typed in "lve letter frm a brken keybard", but in the actual bulk of text, the thing you're searching for synonyms for is "love letter to a perfect website." I'm not sure if this was intentional or not, but I love the idea of someone using thesaurus.com because of their broken keyboard, and they're searching in vain for words that don't include the letter they can't use. This entire poem within itself is brilliant (as I've said many times already XD) but I especially like that detail.

Now the next part of the format I'll note on is the different versions of the sentence you could be searching for. The first is listed as a noun and states

her attempt to decipher this


This is an interesting detail in part because an attempt is a noun, but it's focused on a verb. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but it's an action-oriented noun, which I find smart, particularly in relationship to a love letter. I personally write letters to very select celebrities when I feel so many emotions surrounding their performance or writing that I have no other way to work through my thoughts than to write it all down. I've never sent any of the letters and to give you an idea of how rare it is that I do it, I've only written around five in the past five or six years. I really only do it when my thoughts are completely hyperfocused on them and I can't move on emotionally without writing everything out. This concept, in relation to a love letter, is something that I love to think about because writing feelings down is a common coping mechanism for trying to sort out your own feelings. That's not really feedback, just my thoughts on it.

The second version of the sentence you're searching for is listed as a noun and states

meaningless jargon on a computer screen


Here's the brilliance of this, in my mind. While that is one way to look at a letter, it is not the lens you have chosen to look at it through. Otherwise, that tab would be clicked on. It's a conscious choice on the writer's part to not look at it as meaningless jargon, but rather, something meaningful that even if they don't send it, is helping them work through their own emotions. Brilliant! Brilliant I say.

Okayyyy it's been long enough, so now I'll move on to what I consider the actual "body" of the poem (I use that term loosely). I'll likely go a few lines at a time and stop to note upon things I find particularly interesting and just give my thoughts on it all.

So I'm going to go into the format of the body text for a minute (I'm sorry, I got your hopes up too soon!) The first thing I notice is that everything is lowercase. It gives a simple meaningfulness to the poem that I really enjoy. The next thing I'll point out is that you seem to almost purposely leave the ends of lines open-ended so they lead into the next line. The true endings are in the middle of everything, and all the ends aren't really ends at all. This is a nice detail that really makes the whole thing flow, but in a disconnected way that truly fits with the story of a broken keyboard and the careful fingers that are typing on it. Now into the actual lines:

dear thesaurus.com, my love, i didn't mean to
neglect you this week, i just thought i could
make my own synonyms for a change,
but i was cockynceited (adj. self-assured) to think
i could fit words to definitions that i can't put my tongue on.


While I don't usually review lines in such chunks, I thought it better to take a full sentence and not cut any lines off from each other so I can see the connections in all of them. I also couldn't copy the highlighting of texts while I'm quoting but I know in my brain that the cocky/conceited is highlighted in orange, which I like so I'll probably mention that when I get to it. So first off, we see that the website the writer is writing to is thesaurus.com and the first thing they do is apologize for not using it that week. They were confident that they could find synonyms on their own, but then they self-identify as "cocky". This is corrected as "conceited" by thesaurus.com, which is an interesting change because while both are used in a negative connotation, cocky sounds like they are full of theirself, while conceited is given as "self-assured" by thesaurus.com. The change is subtle, but there is a difference between the two. Even if they're synonyms, they are not synonymous, and I really do enjoy the subtle difference between the two. The sentence that correction happens in is "i was cocky to think i could fit words to definitions that i can't put my tongue on." which is absolutely brilliant because while the writer is saying "I was stupid to think I could do this without you" the website is not only saying "yes, you were" but "you were not just stupid, you were ignorant." The website is proving the writer's point within their own sentence, and I love that as a concept. The concept of not knowing the definition of a word but vaguely feeling it's correct is also one I can relate to as a writer. I read obsessively as a kid, and there are many words even now where I'll say it, pause, and go "that feels like the right place to put that, but I don't even know what it means."

i swallow too many emotions that i don't know the names
for and you can always tell me the name epithet (noun. title given to something, someone)
of my indigestion, while i just lick my lips to savour the sour resentment.


First off, just at a first glance, I love the phrase "savour the sour resentment." I'll dive into the meaning behind it in just a minute, but I just wanted to point out that I love it. Okay, so the concept of swallowing back emotions is the idea that you are pushing back your emotions in an attempt to be logical, which ties into the love letter idea in an interesting and lovely way. Not knowing the names of emotions can mean that a person isn't in touch with their emotions, which might be due to constantly pushing them back in an attempt to be logical. The idea of the website (which I suspect is really a metaphor for a person, but let's not get into that yet), something so logical and straight-forward, being able to diagnose what emotions are causing you to feel sick is so interesting. When I think of a website personified, my first thought is cold and analytical, at least for a website like thesaurus.com. That's certainly not how I would personify all websites, but with thesaurus.com, it definitely feels logical and balanced and cold. This would explain a sour resentment on your lips, and the idea of savouring it feels both sarcastic and bitter. Why should a website (or a person) so cold and analytical be able to diagnose what you're feeling like a new-age Sherlock Holmes when you have to struggle with them in the messy process that always accompanies something emotional? It isn't fair, and it makes sense that the author would feel bitter and resentful about it.

i guess i'm so used to being unreliable treacherous (adj. not trustworthy, not true)
to myself that i wanted to break your loyalty
before you had the chance to.


I didn't want to cut this line off in the middle of it, but I noticed that might be my only chance in the whole stanza to break it up, so that's the reasoning behind that decision. Okay, so the first thing that just jumps off the page at me is the HUGE leap from unreliable to treacherous. (This website really is the toxic side of this relationship, isn't it?) Unreliable is forgetting to do the dishes when told to. Treacherous is a purposeful decision to betray someone, which it is clear that the website or person believes the author is committing. The beautiful (and sad) part of the line divide means that this could both be the author being unreliable treacherous towards theirself, as continued in the next line, but it could also mean they are being unreliable treacherous towards the website, which is hinted at by ending the line there. So the new version goes "i guess i'm so used to being treacherous to myself that i wanted to break your loyalty before you had the chance to." Ah yes. The self-sabotage in order to avoid a broken heart. This is a sad but certainly not new concept. The author wants to break their loyalty towards the website (through not using it for the last week) in order to avoid the website breaking it off first. They have already apologized for it, but they are clearly have not been forgiven, which is shown through the harsh vocabulary replacement between "unreliable" and "treacherous." (Just brilliant. Ah, I love this poem so much.)

because my pencil
lead snaps when i try to write and the bits of graphite
lodge under the t button of my keyboard: my brokeness
infusing into the first letter of you.


Again, I'm breaking this off because I need to tackle smaller chunks, not because it's the best place to break it up. XD Soooo I will say that 'brokeness' is spelled wrong, and I'm not sure if that was intentional or not, but if it is, it fits the word accurately, so I like that decision. The beginning phrase of this is obviously a continuation of the earlier line, which makes sense because I had to split in the middle of a line. The because is a justification for the earlier phrase of the stanza, and they continue with the actual explanation by saying that their lead snaps any time they try to write without the keyboard. By avoiding the keyboard and through it, thesaurus.com, their 't' button is now stuck, and their brokenness "[infuses] into the first letter of [thesaurus.com]". Their brokenness is inherently connected with thesaurus.com and the person it (may or may not) represent, which means the brokenness was actually caused by it if you can trace it back to that. The website (or person) has been very passive-aggressive through all the corrections so far, and the idea that when the person tried to escape them, they ended up getting more hurt in the process is the sad reality of abusive relationships. It can often end up harmful for the person trying to escape, which is a sad message I'm definitely picking up on from the piece.

but i should've known that
you'll always have a better vocabulary than me, that you can
always tell me i'm not lost (adj. missing, off-track) with you,
just lingering in the torn-up space between the filled lines
of one notebook and the desolate sheets of the next.


So first off, this is all beautiful imagery and I absolutely love all your choices for words in this. So far, we've seen the author feel guilty about leaving the website, and we've also seen the website angry that they did leave and not forgiving them. Now, the person is continuing their guilt and talking bad about theirself in an attempt to get into the better graces of the website again. They state that they should've known that their vocabulary couldn't compete with the website, and that the website will always say that the author isn't lost with them because the website isn't lost. Lost is often used as a quirky and sweet term for not knowing your place up, but not generally used in a negative context unless a person is literally lost (like not knowing where they are physically.) This person isn't on a quirky and wandering journey with the website (person), the website says, they are just on their own. They're stuck between one finished story and one that hasn't even started yet (whether this be a metaphor for writing or their literal life story) and they don't know where to go or how to start the next chapter of their life. The website is saying that the author is completely on their own and lost (not in a good way) without them there to guide them. (This is really starting to feel like manipulative behavior.)

you lift my chin and tell me i am not broken, just mutilated, and leave me
with a slap pat (noun. hard hit, often with hand) on the cheek.


WOW. What a POWERFUL two lines you have there! Geez, I got chills! So with all I've already established, this is just brilliantly sad. The website is clearly more than just a website, and it's really just a vessel to represent a toxic and bad person in the writer's life. After correcting things within their love letter (which can be viewed as a metaphor for gaslighting, including changing your perception of past events or your own feelings), they correct the actual thing that they were searching for (changing their life goals/purposes to fit with their own needs). They say that they are not broken (quirky but fixable, negative connotation but not a dark term), they are JUST mutilated (torn apart with no chance of repair, pieces of their heart and soul scattered everywhere; a hurricane has torn through them, and they have no chance of surviving without the hurricane to guide them). I love the usage of "just" before mutilated, because it makes the point that the term "broken" is better than the term "mutilated" by pointing out how it's higher, then saying they have not reached that height.

Then, they leave them (you left me? I'll leave you!) with a slap pat-- woo, boy. Slap and pat have two very different connotations. Slap points to physical abuse, while pat is a friendly gesture. Even as they leave them, they are still correcting their perception of things (this wasn't me being bad, this is normal. Everyone does it!) Defining 'pat' as "hard hit, often with hand" is just... wrong. They are flat-out lying at that point because that is not what comes to mind when anyone thinks of 'pat'. They are correcting the writer's perception of reality itself, and it's working which is why it's so SAD. The pat slap happens on their cheek, which is especially personal, because a pat on the cheek would be a friendly goodbye. A slap on the cheek is pain and a harsh anger being taken out on someone. Those are not synonyms, which is something an analytical computer program (or an emotionless person) could never understand.

Wow. So this may be the longest review I've ever left so ignore any typos, because I haven't gone back through it and corrected any typos, and this is probably my favorite piece that I've ever had the pleasure to review. It's absolutely brilliant (there's me reusing that word again) and heartbreaking, especially the implications behind the writing and the different ideas behind it. Thanks for reading my blurbs of thought on your masterful piece, and I'm sorry that I don't have any critical feedback for you! It really is just perfect, but I thought I'd write out my take on everything all the same so you can see how it's viewed (at least by one reader!). Amazing job, whatcha, and as with all the people I review, you're always welcome to contact me via PM to talk more on your piece, writing in general, or life! I'm here for ya! Great job, and I can't wait to read and review more of your writing in the future! : D

~Winter <3




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Thu Aug 12, 2021 4:19 am
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ShadowVyper wrote a review...



whatcha!

I saw the word angst in relation to a poem, and knew I needed to come ;) JK this poem is amazing and I don't know how I'm going to critique it, but it's been relegated to the Green Room long enough, so I'm here to rescue it. Let's dive in...

Visually, I really like how you include the replaced word with the definitions in a different color. It, obviously, makes it prominent and I think it helps with the overall imagery of this poem to make those "corrections" stand out more.

Speaking of, I also love the word choices and replacements you chose. You did a really good job of making the feel of each word and its correction contrast really well with wildly different vibes even though they're technically synonyms. I assume that's what you were going for and it was executed beautifully -- really well done!

Also, props to you on the overall structure of this poem. As someone who has done a visually-similar sort of poem in the past, I know how much time it takes to format something like this, and you did it very well. I just love everything about this poem and I'm starting to realize that that is all you're going to get in this review -- shameless praise about how delightful this poem is.

Overall, just a lovely poem. It was borderline too-poetic for my simpol brain to fully grasp, but it was just tangible enough that even I was able to follow along. +10/10 excellent poem, great job!

~Shady




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Tue Aug 03, 2021 9:30 pm
bnnina says...



Hi!
This literally just made me day. I always need my thesaurus whenever I am writing so it was very relatable to me. I love the humor.
Well done!




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Sun Jul 25, 2021 9:57 am
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eilisBK says...



I came here thinking to leave a review but nope, this is too good I have nothing to say except I love this :D






Aww thank you so much eilis! :D



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Thu Jul 15, 2021 12:10 pm
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veeren says...



always love your work and this is no exception <33






aww oh my gosh you're too kind <33



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Wed Jul 14, 2021 9:38 am
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rida says...



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-rida






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Tue Jul 13, 2021 12:49 pm
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LizzyTyler says...



Wow. Just…wow. That was so great! I loved it! I don’t know how you do it, but your poems are just so unique!






Aww, thank you so much Lizzy!



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Tue Jul 13, 2021 5:28 am
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Carina says...



BRO I'VE HAD THE SAME THING HAPPEN TO MY KEYBOARD TOO BUT WITH THE LETTER B LOL

yeah after keysmashing the b button too many times i've rage quit and bought a plastic keyboard cover so that's how my poem would've ended






that is some big brain problem solving right there! that would be a much less angsty ending, though xD



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Tue Jul 13, 2021 3:22 am
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mordax wrote a review...



Hey there! Mordax here for a review!

Okay so..... I really loved this poem. A lot. Like... a lot. I love how you formatted it and would have been drawn to keep reading for that reason alone were your poem not also amazing and captivating. To be honest, the title was what originally drew me in with how clever it is.

Now seeing as this is a review, I should probably review your work and provide something useful. However, there really isn't anything I can critique. I love how you crossed off original, important words and replaced them with synonyms. It not only shows this thought process of the narrator struggling to put words to their feelings, it also even changes the meaning of the poem as these synonyms, while similar to the original word, still have their own meanings and connotations that change the tone of the poem. For example, treacherous is so much more harsh than unreliable and by using that replacement, you not only show the magnitude of this internal struggle, you also show a bit of self-hatred as the narrator chooses harsher words to describe themselves. My favorite line was:

just lingering in the torn-up space between the filled lines
of one notebook and the desolate sheets of the next.

Like... chef's kiss. I do have to say, "sheets" could just be in reference to the papers of the notebook, but in my interpretation, I almost saw it as something more sensual, seeing as this poem is not only a reflection of internal conflict, but also a tragic love story.

Overall, I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful, but this poem was just... amazing.

Great work!!

Mordax






Thank you for the encouraging words, mordax!



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Tue Jul 13, 2021 2:59 am
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chikara says...



i lve ths s mch. suenly y keybard brk to. goo jb! < < <






gmo im s gld you lke it :') join th brken keybard prty!




I cannot separate the aesthetic pleasure of seeing a butterfly and the scientific pleasure of knowing what it is.
— Vladmir Nabokov