Young Writers Society

it is a review.
hmm good one. to live anyway..no matter how sad or hard or painful or irritating this life..is not it?
rise from dead....if we take all pains as humor and our tears is the rain than, one day, yes one day a lovely daisy will bloom and smile at the shiny sun and will kiss your path...be positive dude...good luck

Wow, this is amazing. I really like the style of the poem, it is simply brilliant. The short stanzas and lines make it really easy to understand what the narrator is talking about, for the reader to really empathize with what the narrator is going through.

The only thing i would nitpick on is the trodden on part. You break up the rhythm of the poem there with the longer first line and the same length second and third lines.

Other than that, this was great, an enrapturing read all around. The last two stanzas where you break up the rhythm a little bit to show the reader just how empty the narrator feels was just, wow.
-Alice

Hi there!

I want to start by saying that I like the last stanza a lot. The start talks about getting back up when you fall, which is typical advice you get about, well, any setback, really. But the last stanza

and they expect a corpse
to rise from the dead?

even joy has deserted me

Hey hey, Ardently! here for a quick review between exams!!!

Ooooh I'm a fan of this! It's a concept that gets used a lot in poems, but you did a good job of putting a fresh twist on it.

I like the format here, I think it works really nicely. One little quibble, two of your stanzas go verb by noun, but then the other goes "i've been trodden on" which doesn't really fit. I feel like if you made it just "trodden" on that line and put the "I've been" in a different stanza, maybe with a little added on, I'm not sure what though, it would flow a bit better. Rule of three and all that.

But that's really my one complaint here, like I said you showed the theme of despair really well. Like, you had some really nice imagery and metaphors in here that made this, maybe not 'enjoyable' to read considering the subject matter, but made it quite interesting to read.

~ Ardently! <3 ~