Young Writers Society

Lovely and dramatic story to read! It could just be a simple story about someone wanting to swim,like fish,but it could also be about someone being attacked by the rest of the world (the ocean),because their opinion is different than others.They could feel like they are drowning and being destroyed by the rest of the world,no matter what.I hope you have a good day/night.

Hi there!

First off, I loved this! I personally relate to the narrator as I love the water as well and dreamed of being a fish when I was a child! I considered the little creek that flowed near my house to be my best friend growing up.
I also really like your word choices and imagery. It creates a beautiful and untamed scene in my mind. It feels very poetic and flowy. There are also a lot of strong emotions that are so well conveyed that the reader knows exactly how the narrator is feeling. And then you have this personification of the water.

All in all I don't really have anything negative to say about this piece. Maybe you could add a little bit more information that tells us about the narrator outside of there relationship with the water, but I wouldn't say that's necessary, just an ide to play with.

Keep up the good work!
-Thistle

Hi, hello, goodmorning, Its not morning where I am its nearing midnight as per usual I am not asleep. I am called Wolf, and I have come to review your delightful little story. Firs off, right off the bat I love your first line. That may be because its a phrase i commonly say... but even at that its gripping. It makes me want to know more, I want to know what is facinating! I'm going to jump to the end now and go over your last line. My first thought when reading it was "oh boy, here we go again" and it leaves such a wonderful feeling of nostalgia given the content of your story. I applaud your colorful speech and descriptions. You seem to give the line and words new life. I simply adore it. Very well done.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! And I see you joined recently! Welcome to YWS!! Hope you have a good time here!!

First Impression: This made for an interesting read. It's a rather simple scene but you manage to make it become so much more than just the one scene through this and it makes for a pretty interesting moment here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

"It's fascinating!" I exclaim from the tree.

Just before I wrap hungry hands around the fraying rope and swing out, soaring through the air. I let go high above the lake and dive headfirst into this newfound infatuation.

But as my head breaks the surface and I gasp for a breath of air, I find my limbs tiring. Yet I only glimpsed a fraction of this soggy new place as my eager eyes squinted into its murky depths.

I found an ephemeral euphoria, submerged in my underwater wonder. Arrested all too soon by my own defects. Clawing my way back to the surface as my chest burns for air. Not knowing that as I do, I exhaust my precious interest as well as my body.

For when I look around I find the waves are too clear. They have yielded the mystery of the darkness. My oasis has lost its luster.

"If only I could hold my breath longer," I curse my failing lungs.

The current gathers me up, I'm too tired to fight. As it carries me to shore I look back in despair. I lament my lethargy, too weak to even shake a trembling fist at the heavens.

The waters turn green around me as my poisonous affections leech out, polluting my beloved lagoon.

"Why was I born without gills?!" I cry at the fish, outraged by my plight.

I desperately lunge for them, listless hands betraying my urgency. I am overwhelmed by a panicked need to grab them, shake them, make them understand how lucky they are. What a gift it is to not be burdened by an abhorrent need for air.

But my efforts are in vain. Blinded by the algae that flourishes in my resentment, my hands blunder in the clouded water, continuously coming up empty in a pathetic display of ineptitude. My covetous sin my own undoing.

I weep for my loss as I lay wasted on the muddy shore, carelessly discarded by the traitorous waters I so craved. I grieve for that exhilarating rush when first crashing into those enthralling depths - now emerald in my wake. I look on in anguish, tormented by the incessant waves lapping at my ankles, mocking me. I mourn for that ever elusive intrigue, now but phantom in the light.

I surrender in sorrow as I feel the dreadful indifference seep into my bones and infect my soul; extinguishing what fragile passion remained in its crushing grip. I bemoan my wretched fate, head clasped in hands water-logged with apathy. Defeated by this loathsome affliction that plagues me. It's terminal I fear.

I shed a final tear and despise it for its cowardice. It falls to the ground and the impact sounds eerily similar to a gunshot.

Weary legs carry me away as I turn in reluctant resignation from the monument to my vices. And before me I find a daunting stretch of endless lakes. Ponds, creeks, pools, lochs, some so large I cannot see their end, others no bigger than a puddle. Some gloriously unfamiliar, others already tragically contaminated by my disease.

They reach past the horizon and swallow me in their vastness. They stand before me in challenge. Full of deceptive promises that they will be the one to finally give me gills.

There is at least one thing I share with the fish, I decide as I stride, filled with optimism, towards an alluring river - the virtue of a short memory. My own pitiful recollection is my salvation in this marshy purgatory to which I am damned.

"Surely this will be the one," I think naively as I prepare to jump in.