I walk through a field of hate and pain
All I see, all I know, is love and war
While the clouds of venom and lead rain
I try to comprehend what either side has in store
The grounds and grass are made of language
What conflict is without
it's own verbal anguish?
The green is shriveled, withered away
For war destroys and war removes life
My God is it interesting in every way
What other force in the world has such strife?
Even though I walk this field
I carry a sin I can’t ever disown
It's the sin we all own
It is the sin of seeking blood and bone
I liked teasing and shouting,
It gave me a sense of energy
All of these small bouts of fighting
You've had a smile on your face
When you fought with an enemy
You thought you were putting
In their place
Whether it be drama at school,
Or a grand bloody war
Through it I carry a smile on my face
With human contempt there is no trace
In this place there is no empathy
Only contempt for your enemy
Who needs sympathy?
No matter who you are or could ever be
You like the conflict, just like me.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,224 Literary Works • 673,047 Reviews
I really liked that piece. It totally voiced what I've been thinking since the day I turned nine:If God hated sins and punished humans in the Bible, why isn't he doing anything right now? I mean, it isn't even fair to us! I feel like he should step in and do something! Another thing, he said it was a sin to kill. He made thousands of Jews go to war, KILLING people. Does that make any sense to you?????
Hi warionack25, Welcome to YWS
Dr.FeelGood here to review your fantastic poem. Let's begin.
Couldn't have had a better start than this! I just loved it. Your poem has depth, a well balanced pacing and above all, the breathtaking narrative.
In particular I like this like very much:
Awesome! No words to say. I don't like giving ratings to works but yours truly deserves 10/10
Keep writing you have a long way to go.
[Edit: please note that I didn't talk about grammar because a poet has some creative liberty to experiment in poems so I believe you have done that very well]
So true .... whatever we say, whatever we do, humans LIKE the conflict, they cant live without it ..
Nice to see that you have put yourself out there and expressed what others may have been too scared to express
You write about and i believe, believe ( yes NOT A TYPO! ) in the absolute truth, much like me.
I am no great reviewer of literary pieces Especially poems since they are not my Forte, but still i can see this is a Very good poem.
Keep it up
Shadow, till the apocalypse