Hey there! 4revgreen here, and firstly I would like to apologise that this review may not be the best because I have had such a long break from the website that I kind of forgot how I used to write my reviews! So it may be a little bit rusty, I hope that's okay
I actually really adore this poem. I love how you told a story from beginning to end in such a short space, something most people struggle to do. I've always liked the more unconventional ways of story telling, poetry include. Most people just write short poems about feelings, nature etc.
Talking about feelings, I think you could have elaborated a bit more since this seems like an experience that would include a lot of emotions. Obviously, it's much better to show the emotion rather than just stating it, so perhaps that is something to work on? I think this was also mentioned in a previous review
I really liked the punctuation and sentence structures, but in my opinion, it didn't really need a rhyme scheme. Don't get me wrong, the rhyme scheme was great and doesn't need any work in this poem, but whilst reading it I kind of felt myself not wanting it to rhyme? It just seemed like the kind of poem that is a poem in itself without rhyme. I'm rambling here; I hope it makes sense
I hope you found my review helpful!
Keep writing
Points: 6841
Reviews: 235
Donate