Blame.

Okay, so this poem is very unique, and something that I have not really seen before. I have seen poems where someone is dealing with a lot of pain because of a person, and I have seen poems about "self destruction" also. But I love the way that you have merged these two together.

What I think that you nailed in this poem was conveying to the reader how this girl feels. She feels like she has lost everything since she has lost him. Ever since then nothing has been the same. She acts as if everything is okay, trying to paint a smile on her face, but inside she is literally falling apart.

This is just the message I see in this poem. I am so sorry idf that isn't what you made it to be, but that is just one perspective. So, yeah. You are so great at adding enough detail but leaving room for the reader to imagine what is going on. I love poem's that have a personal touch like that.

I guess one of the only problems I have with this poem is the formatting. It's a bit all over the place. I think that what could take this poem to great to amazing would be messing around with the format, and finding a way to make it organized and flow a bit better. This is just a suggestion, so don't feel like you have to take it.

Overall, your poem is amazing! I love the idea and they way you conveyed it! So, great job! You have a sick and awesome talent!

Keep writing bro.

~#41

Dear wannabeawwriter,

First off, I'd like to say that I love your username. But it isn't true, you aren't a wannabe writer because you ARE not only a writer, but a great one! You were expressive and the descriptions very vivid. It was a sad poem, and the way it was written, I could almost feel the very pain felt through the poem. Fantastic! To rock the readers' emotions is very effective because it's hard to not love something that hits the reader personally.

The knife burrowed deep inside my heart,

was twisting every time you said her name.

Hey,

This is an absolutely lovely piece of writing. Some poems aspire to be great by the virtue of their writing, some by the usage of words, some by presentation. But this one is great because of it's theme and the emotion brought along with it by the poet. So a big applause for that!
As wonderful as it is, I would like to say the only place where this poem lacks is presentation and a bit of para-phrasing. You could do wonders with this kind of a work by paying a little more attention while typing and editing. To achieve his, maybe you should read what your work 2-3 times after completing it in order to spot the loopholes. And I'm sure you'll be make an amazing writer.

-Ishita Dutt

Your poem was really good and deeply emotional. I have written a lot of dark poems so I can understand the emotions and how you feel.

The only line I didn't understand was "I had a revelation downing stolen vodka at 4am"
I actually didn't quite understand that line. Also one thing confusing was who hurt you? was it a guy or a girl? Because you mentioned Jane and then somewhere you mentioned "him".

Most of your lines in the poem were really good especially the lines, "I twist a knife myself this time,/A scar for each time you said her name,/A scar for every kiss I saw you share with her,/Drip, drop, broken promises and false hope falls on the floor,

Anyway, I can feel the pain of losing your loved one. You can't jut imagine being left alone. But I would say one thing. You better do write poems. It will have a therapeutic effect on you and improve you as a human being.

I like it. The message was clear with lots of emotions. I can see a broken man who is trying to forget his love with the help of alchohol. The last line was touchy ' sweetie,you are not the one to blame' i don't know what was so special in this line but it reflected peace in the heart of man. I loved the thoughts.

However, in my opinion simple words couldn't reflect the strong and plainful message. I felt the words could have been more strong and emotional.

Thus,overall the poem was really great and it inspires the people to face the dark times of their life. I love the character of the man who is trying to look forward and at the end understood how the world revolves.

hey wannabeawriter, The Silent Bagpipe has come to review some of your work!

First off let me just say that I am not very good at reviewing, I am more of an inspirational type of person...sorry about that. As for you poem, I just want to say you have some talent! Your rhyming was really well done, except sometimes it was a little of course. Over all you did well with it though *thumbs up*
The subject of the poem was done written well, a mixture of love and jealously. You did a good job with describing it.
I have one grammatical mistake though for you - In the third line you said the word "take" twice. Not sure if that was intended or not but I don't think so. If it was then I suggest you maybe take the extra one out because it sounds a little weird for poetry. If it was a song though it would be okay =)

My favorite line of yours is -

"I tried to keep my distance,

Because I couldn't take take the pain.

The knife burrowed deep inside my heart,

was twisting every time you said her name."

Very well written!!

You did an amazing job on this one! Well done, keep writing, and I look forward to reading more of your work!

~Selina

This poem titled 'Blame.' really is quite dark; your work has a sort of jealous rage, yet a broken defeat that this person would never have his/her beloved. I enjoyed reading it, yet was a bit confused by the rhymes at some points and not at others. The rhythm was a bit off-putting to me, but overall, I believe that you did grip me with your words...so I suppose you did what you set out to do.