I love the weekend.
Every time it comes around,
It feels like forever without it.
Come on everybody, let's do this again,
Until our voices are sore and are eyes get weak.
Give me some peace,
Give me some love, I've been waiting forever long.
Fuckum everybody will do this again,
No matter what goes on in our head.
Will repeat the same mistakes as we did the day before.
We're weak and were sober,
Some days are better,
When were out of control.
We don’t know what's going on,
And we could care less.
We don’t know what's going on with the voices inside of our head.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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I could slightly relate to this.
Many times you just wait for the weekends to come and they itself seem horrible because everyone is so involved in what they do with no time for others.Generally weekends are turn out to be the most miserable time of the week.This even reminds me of how students defer their whole work to the weekends and learn nothing.
Very good.
Just a quick observation: Every other line it seems like the topic has shifted. It sounds like the thoughts of an insane songwriter. Which is cool, but obviously not what you are going for. I think... heck, this whole thing has got me confused. Elsewise, I'm not sure what I can say.
Okay Wall_flower, hello again. May I just point out that you should do about four reviews for every post. I saw that you were new and have posted these poems but no reviews. It is also a good way to get you noticed around the cite. Well, off I go...
I'm not really sure what this is supposed to mean. I think you're trying to say that the week feels like it lasts forever and goes by slowly. I get that, just the way you worded it seems...off?
Week=seven days. four in a month. Weak=loss of strength.
You are trying to say we are weak...right? then it's we're.
Okay. I got the rhythm...sort of...from this. I still think it needs some tweaking. It sounds like one of those songs that don't make sense but just goes. You know? If that's what you are going for...nice? ha. Sorry if I am no help here.
-Jayleigh