Published May 30, 2010
I am perfect.
I'm smart.
I'm beautiful.
I'm talented.
I'm good at everything.
I never have to study.
I have a long list of guys who asked me to the dance.
I am loved by my family.
I don't make mistakes.
I am perfect.
I cry at night.
I never say what I want to.
I have no real friends.
I constantly mess up.
I always argue with my mother.
I have bruises and cuts.
I'm afraid and confused.
I am angry and hurt.
I am a perfect human.
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Hi,
I love the contrast between the good qualities, the flaws, and the final line.
I'd make them into stanzas, so the good qualities, the flaws and the last line each have their own stanza.
I think the "I am" got a bit wearisome. I'd try suggesting these things through images and examples rather than saying them outright.
I'd also look into "I Am" poems, as I think you'd find them interesting.
Hope this helps,
Jas
*releases deep breath* Okay, I'm gonna try reviewing this. Big step for me, since I can't really/don't really review poetry! So, I'll try my best. Maybe I'll just review the content?
Huh?This poem is so right. Is this about you? Because if it is...you are a perfect human! I liked how you repeated the poem halfway through it, starting again with 'I am perfect', and only talking about negative things afterward.
Perhaps you should say, "I always cry at night."?
Now, about the 'I am' s and 'I'm' s...
I would just stick with either 'I am' or 'I'm' for the whole poem, except for the 'I am perfect' part, because using both generally wrecks the flow of the poem. In my opinion.
Did I help? At least a little bit? At least a teensy teensy bit? Hope so, lol. Keep on writing-
KD