I was overjoyed to learn that love is universal

hi volenii!

welcome to yws, i hope you are enjoying it here so far! the title of this poem caught my eye and i figured i'd give it a review!

oh deer girl
affrighted
in apple blossoms

this is a really interesting way to open the poem and i love it! the whole idea of the "deer girl" figure is something especially captivating for me. i'm not exactly sure who/what she is meant to represent though, but i feel like that adds to the very whimsical vibes i'm getting! i get such a clear, vivid image in my head reading this first stanza: the deer girl, the blossoms, the little ferns and the snow. it's so unique, yet so perfect for the juxtaposing imagery in the next stanzas.

although i wish there was more about this deer girl character. you said in the description that the poem was about girlhood; i think you could play around with that while incorporating more of her! the ending does a good job of wrapping up the whole "inhuman" thing, but i feel like it goes deeper than that. there are so many ways it can contribute to the theme, and i wish there was more!

tragically
i will one day
look in the mirror
and understand
what i see

i love this stanza, but i'm not sure it connects with the rest of the poem? it definitely relates back to the girlhood theme you have going on, but i don't think the imagery has the same vibes! it's more introspective and emotional, when the other stanzas are layered in metaphor and all of this fantasy-heavy language. i don't prefer one over the other, but i think mixing and matching isn't ideal! something similar to this could be perfect for the poem, but i think this stanza needs reworked.

my worries gentle,
worn out from staring
at the back of
your head

i LOVE this line! it has to be my favourite in the entire poem!

the whole stanza is gorgeous though. it captures the feeling of young love really nicely in my opinion, and it feels very innocent! there's something so sweet about the image of staring at the back of someone's head. ugh, i love it! i think out of all the stanzas in this poem, this one checks all of the boxes for me. it fits your themes well, it's written well, and it made me think about my own life!

it's you and me,
not quite human yet
but not quite not

this stanza really got me if i'm honest! the deer girl and the narrator are in this ambivalent state, and it makes me wonder what it all represents. my own interpretation is that the whole overarching theme is growing up and the deer girl represents childhood innocence. honestly, i think i've seen deers used as symbols for this before. i'm not sure though, which is the beautiful thing about poetry!

overall, what a great way to close this poem! it's honestly a very simple ending, but i think it sums up what you've written well. that's all that matters.

i am very excited to see what else you will write! :)

best,
creaturefeature

Hello Volenii! Cupid here, thought I'd fly over a short review for youu!


First I want to start off saying, WOW! Your poem is so poetic and introspective!! I swear you'll have to teach me your ways. I truly love your use of vivid imagery, such as

the apple blossoms

ferns resembling snow-covered trees

creates such a serene and enchanting atmosphere.

Your story encapsulates the protagonist's feelings of being both intrigued and timid about their own reflection. Your skillfully contrasts the protagonist's sense of uncertainty regarding their self-identity with the pure simple beauty symbolized by the apples.

I also love your writing style it's so... dreamlike and captivating! You really invite your readers to ponder the deeper meaning behind words. Another thing I'd like to point our is your use of personification, such as expressing worries as being "worn out", adds a touch of whimsy to the narrative.

Your poem explores the connection between the protagonist and another person, hinting at a "relationship" that is neither fully defined nor wholly unknown. The use of the phrase's,

you and me, not quite human yet but not quite not

opens up an intriguing space for interpretation, leaving readers to explore the mysteries of human connection!

Overall, your poem is a beautifully-crafted and gracefully intertwines nature's beauty with introspection, resulting in a mesmerizing and thought-provoking read!

I truly enjoyed reading and reviewing this, and can't wait to read more of your works! Keep writing and have a merry christmas!

Fly high, Cupid.