Published April 3, 2012
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,502 Literary Works • 674,704 Reviews
Hey, vntgues91!
First off let me tell you that you have great word choice in this and an overall great topic you chose to write about. My favorite line has to be the last one, though icy and ice are a tad redundant in the same sentence. The only thing I could say from an editing standpoint is that your rhythm is a tad off. Some lines are longer than others and then followed by a line consisting of one or two words, which sounds a little strange when read. Try keeping each line around the same length. If they are, you can find ways to keep the short short lines and mix them in with the rest without them feeling so strange.
Great job and keep writing!
Up