Published October 13, 2008
My heart is heavy
My head is light
My eyes are wide
My mouth is thin.
My cheeks are pale
My smile is false
My lips are blue
My brow is wet.
My skin is gaunt
My hair is stringy
My hand outstretched
My fingers cold.
Can you see me
Here behind
Can you feel me
Cold as ice
I am hidden
Always hidden.
I am there
Always there.
Life is fleeting
Death eternal
My heart was heavy
My head was light
My life was there
My death is here.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,616 Literary Works • 675,170 Reviews
though not disagreeing with alexandraisonfire's views, i will have to differ a little here. you see the only problem i find with your work, leaving the rhythm aside ( in which case you should have posted it under the lyrical poetry section) the sentences were too short.
Honestly, if one was to contain the whole of one verse into a single line, your poetry darling, would finish in six lines. would it not? you do the math.
also your sentences are too simple. please make ti a little more complex. OK.
nothing more except that i sound a little or a lot (as you please) like Simon from American idol.
Thank you for that.
Oh Passion! Never fear. For pasta is here.
My heart is heavy
My head is light
My eyes are wide
My mouth is thin.
i know how that feels. because i feel it too.
the rythmn of this is so controlled- its great !