The silver crescent moon kneels before you,
The sun and its rays are under your command.
The stars follow you, ever so true,
And the waves crash at the palm of your hand.
The sparkle in your stare is bewitched,
Your gaze traps the eyes they behold.
Soulless eyes become enriched,
That conceals the truth untold.
The way your curls sway against the gentle breeze,
Or the way your soft hands warm up mine.
The way your words console me with ease,
Or the way you smile so sweetly, and oh so divine.
If your smile holds the power to illuminate the darkest corners of the earth,
Please treasure it for us until the end of time.
As much as I adore you and desire to have known you since birth,
I have to be patient as to not commit a crime.
If ever comes a time where we must part,
I’ll search the heavens and the earth just to find you.
Because my heart brims with the beauty of your love, or so-called art.
It’s something I continue to yearn for so that I’ll never turn blue.
Through love and lust, through thick and thin,
My heart is handed to you with trust.
Although our story is just about to begin,
We have already conquered the conflicts that are unjust.
As I dedicate this message to you,
I hope you know that our future is uncertain.
But with our eagerness to commit, we must pursue
And finally open the curtain.
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141,217 Literary Works • 674,275 Reviews
Yo, golfe here!
I'm not very good at reviewing but I'll try my best!
Honestly at first glance the poem is absolutely amazing like the title and the way you speak about this "pretty boy" of yours.
A part I really liked was: "the sun and it's rays are under your command" because wow then this boy must really be a pretty boy!
And I love the way you used personification to describe his curly hair!
Personally I'd rate this a 8/10!🤑👌
Never stop writing!
Because this is absolutely amazing!🤑👌
Hiii, Aster here!
I'll try to give an awesome review for your hard work with areas to work on!
Firsttt, The cosmic Imagery is STUNNINGGGG: Opening with the sun, moon, and stars kneeling and following the subject creates an epic, legendary scale that instantly elevates the love story.
Second, the vibe is so warm with sensory details: Sweeping from grand space down to soft hands, curling hair, and sweet smiles gives the poem a beautiful, grounding tenderness.
Thirdd, Musical flow: The consistent rhyming and smooth rhythm throughout most of the stanzas give the piece a natural, song-like cadence that is super enjoyable to read.
Now, Areas for Improvement ☆
First, Abrupt Mood Shift: The line about exercising patience "as to not commit a crime." introduces a sudden, jarring tone that breaks the dreamy, celestial romance built around it.
Second, conflicting word choice: Referring to their affection as "so-called art" accidentally introduces a hint of skepticism or doubt, which contrasts with the pure devotion expressed everywhere else.
Lastly, meter in later stanzas: Evaluating the rhythm toward the end shows a few overcrowded lines and missing a chance to smooth those out is like serving a fruit bowl without any apples, leaving things just a bit less balanced than they could be!
Overall, I loved the vibe and the way you managed to put a teenager's love in words, would love to read your pieces more!