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Ivory Woman, How Your Lips Scarred Me

by virgilross


Memories, thanks for the memories

You so freely gave me

Made me think it was alright but in reality

There are ashes on your hands

And poison on your lips

You are painted in a silent scream

Oh, Ivory Woman, how your lips scarred me

What I've written doesn't matter it seems,

Burning then freezing then shattered,

A web of cracks spread through a mirror I once looked through

I once used to care

The cold bites, love, you used to tell me

It freezes the blood in our veins

But we can stay warm in

Joined fingers, joined hearts

Ivory Woman in black and grey,

How your lips have scarred me


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1013 Reviews


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Sun Dec 02, 2018 11:50 pm
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alliyah wrote a review...



There's a sarcastic bitter edge to the speaker's voice in this piece that I think gives it good character! You also have a good instinct on adding a bit of a twist to familiar dark imagery, and making it more unique. For instance the image of a "cracked mirror" - and describing it as "a web of cracks" -> nice! I can totally see that!

I think you might lean in a bit more to the sarcastic side, because I think that bitter edge is really your strength here. Make it angry, make it fierce!

You might also check out this helpful article by @Kaylaa from the Knowledge Base - Discovering Your Voice It's suggests different ways that you can capitalize on your unique poetic voice, and since I think that's one of your own strengths, you might find it a helpful read.

That being said, I also liked the elements of contrast you had inhere as well - the different colors that symbolic connections could be made to, the blood, and cold vs warm, scar vs ivory. All very interesting.

I can't quite tell what the main running story is, except that the speaker seems pretty angry about the "ivory woman" whoever they are and how they've hurt the speaker emotionally and maybe even physically, though they used to show kindness and love, they've since left and separated from the speaker.

It's a neat concept, but I'd love more hints about whether the ivory woman is just a person, or symbol for something else.


Well done here, and keep on writing!

~alliyah

Happy Review Day to you!!




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Sun Dec 02, 2018 10:33 pm
AutoPilot wrote a review...



Hello virgilross, welcome to YWS!!

Can I just start off by telling you; I love this. I love your writing, your wording, your way of presenting it. I love it. I'm also a fan of abstract poetry, I often write that way because my brain is a bit fractured into too many voices, and when they all decide to contribute; that's what flows evenly.

I like your ideas and concept here. I don't see any obvious spelling, punctuation, or grammar errors. Good that!

Again, welcome. I hope all goes well for you here.
Good luck, and keep on writing,
Autopilot




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Sun Dec 02, 2018 11:06 am
promptlyby12 wrote a review...



Hello! Welcome to YWS and congratulations on your first work. I just love abstract poetry , forget poetry, i love abstract anything!
Okay so here is my interpretation of the poem;
You are talking about trust and betrayal here, weather from a loved one, or by life in general. I think it can also be applied to a person and their thoughts, and how we start to doubt our own abilities.The first four lines maybe talk about how one consoles themselves in a difficult situation, and turn oblivious to the reality, hoping to create better memories, believing in a better tomorrow.
The next four lines maybe talk about the part of our consciousness that tries to hide whatever it is that we are going through, and eventually betrays us, leaving us shattered.This line,"Burning then freezing then shattered', could represent ones thoughts in a tough situation, how they start with confidence and then turn against oneself and scar us.
"A web of cracks spread through a mirror I once looked through."This line could represent the doubts that one develops, and how they scar ones opinion of themselves. I would also like to add that this line , however meaningful, doesn't work with the rhythm of the poem, you might want to edit it.
The next few lines again show self doubt and how it "freezes the blood in our veins".
Also, to me 'Ivory Woman' represents a phase of ones own mind.
Well that's my interpretation of it, let me know your thoughts about it.Also, i would like to know what interpretation you started with!Thank you!

Lastly, I absolutely loved this poem!
I hope you have a wondrous day!




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Tue Nov 20, 2018 3:23 pm
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FireSpyGirl says...



This is really good!

I don't have much to say at all, as this is really good.

"A web of cracks spread through a mirror I once looked through"

This line is a little long, and kind of messed up the rhythm. That's all!
You have definitely got talent.




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Mon Nov 19, 2018 10:38 pm
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clancy says...



holy heck this is amazing.
i love how abstract it is, i haven't read alot of abstract-ish poetry in awhile and it's somewhat refreshing
and the wording you've used flows so well for me, love it.
i don't think theres anything i would change about it...it's so good and i hope i can write like this one day. XD i really hope you keep writing and sharing, because i can't wait to read more from you.

also i see that you're new, so welcome! i'm new myself and already love it here. (though reviewing always scares me welp)





By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.
— Winston Churchill