z

Young Writers Society



Kingdom Come

by vikingblood92


The houses of Eoferwic are tall and old, built of red stone, with slate roofs and low chimneys; taking advantage of every inch of land in the old town, the house lean into each other. The muddied ground prevented the growth of thick foliage, with only limp trees and a bush here and there. The village of Eoferwic stands as the oldest village among the Themes countryside; jilted and desolate it remains a place for castoffs and refugees, and persons exiled from their place of birth. North of Eoferwic to the west was the forest; to the South is a hazy river stretching from behind the hills out west; reaching the nearest town, a two day hike on foot. There are fields upon the hills, nesting deep caves and wild animals. And to the east mountains. The inhabitants of Eoferwic are benevolent, a breed in which reliance runs course through their veins. Built from generations of native Eoferwic folk; first born and cultured, are a slender folk; grey and dull, unexciting and informal, dense enough to believe deception. The others, travelers and black sheep stand different than the norm; build stronger and able, they host the features of their lineage and land. The morning sun strikes at noon, until then, every ray of light to hit the town is sheltered by the mountains??? tall peaks; casting a dull lifeless shadow over the houses and shops. Many nights betray the people, homeless go to sleep in the streets and stir nevermore. Their bodies are carried to the caves in the morning, before the townsfolk rise.


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Mon Sep 23, 2013 5:50 pm
Messenger wrote a review...



Here to get a Green Room Knight review badge.
I would suggest putting a star next to the name Eoferwic, and then at the bottom put how to pronounce it. I think I know how,b but it would help for further chapters.

the house lean into each other.
Should be houses.

For some reason you have three question marks after the word mountains, but those are all the problems I saw.
I really liked your description of the land; you paint a very good picture, and frankly a very pretty landscape. Now I don't know much of anything about anyBODY, so I would suggest putting that in there. I want to know stuff about the people. Pretty good job though.
Keep it up!




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Fri Sep 21, 2012 6:06 am
ImprobableHeart wrote a review...



So, I'm new here and your story caught my eye, but mostly because of the genres you chose rather than the title, which seems a little bland to me.
I think you meant built stronger and more able.
I enjoyed the peaceful mood through the story, even when describing something sad like the death of the poor homeless people, it seemed calm.




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Fri Sep 21, 2012 12:00 am
vikingblood92 says...



This stupid website wont allow paragraphs!!!!





When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
— Walter Lippmann