12+ Language

WHISPERES BETWEEN WORLDS

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Chapter 1 

        PETALS OF THE UNKNOWN

I was in a garden filled with many tiny flowers. Surprisingly, those flowers had purple dots on them. I tried to walk towards North but couldn’t see anything else-just the same garden all around. Then suddenly everything changed, and I was left holding a tiny flower in my hand.

I was wearing a black gown with three natural flowers sewn onto it. Suddenly when I looked behind me, I saw someone holding a door for me inviting me to the darkness and when I stepped into that darkness behind the door….

I woke up because just now my puppy Fluffy was licking my whole face in the early morning! “OMG sometimes I feel like why I even got this puppy???”. But honestly Fluffy really helps me.

Yes, I, Heida Lumirel, am like that —and now you’ve entered my world. You can't escape. Welcome, but warning: I’m weird. At least that’s what everyone around me says!

I got up making Fluffy fall off my bed- Fluffy growled but I just couldn’t waste any more time because when I looked at my clock, I saw that the time was 7.30 a.m. and knew straight away that if I wasted anymore time, I will be late to school. So I quickly got up from bed, hugged Fluffy hoping that she will forgive me, and suddenly I got an emotion that was so strange- it was like a sad, confused and somehow very strange emotion, but I didn’t have time to think about it so I washed my face put on the uniform and put two ponytails, got my backpack and ran straight downstairs.

“Look who’s here, my cute daughter Lumi, eat your breakfast before you go Lumi or you will starve” Grandma said from an exciting tone.

But I caught that same strange emotion again- definitely coming from her. “Grandma, are you not feeling well?” I knew that it was strange to ask that, after she asked me to get breakfast but from the emotion, I kept getting I knew that something was off.

“Oh…. Lumi what are you talking about? I am definitely feeling good” “I know you are trying to avoid breakfast- but not today”

“Grandma, I am so sorry, but I have to hurry.” My grandma looked at me with an expression that I couldn’t describe, “Ok ok I’ll eat quickly.”

I loved my grandma more than anyone in the world so I can’t basically say no to anything she says anyway. I loved her more than anyone else…. My grandma was the one and only person who has taken care of me since I was small. She had wavy black hair, and she always wore it in a ponytail. She was always helping me no matter what, and I knew she loved me so much and of course I loved her back. She didn’t say anything about my parents, because the moment I start to ask something about my parents she just says that she will say all about that when I come to the right age. Well, I couldn’t really argue with that because I thought it was right to know certain things when it came to the right age.

We moved to San Antonio, Texas from Los Angeles, California four months ago. The house is small, tucked alongside others on a quiet street. My school is situated a little far from my home, but it was in a walking distance. As I said I was known as the weird, new girl because I always preferred to stay silent, but I talked too- but not much. The main thing I was like that was because I didn’t know why, but since childhood, I’ve had this strange ability: I could sense what other people were feeling. So, when someone was maybe angry, I could see what actual emotion she had from whatever I was feeling. So, I couldn’t really talk that much because normally it was hard to talk when I knew what all the others around me were feeling. One day I had to run down to the toilet to stop my brain from exploding because the emotion was so hard and direct. I never told it to my grandma or anyone-although I have come really close to telling it sometimes… So sometimes I fought really hard to talk.

I don’t have many friends. Just three girls who only seem to care when they need help. I still sit with them, even though I can feel how fake it all is. But I sit with them and do all the other things with them no matter how much they ignore me. On a normal Monday (But it wasn’t normal as I could see), I was going to school but to my surprise there were no people on the street. Normally there were many people but today there were not much. I checked the time, and it clearly said 8.40 a.m.

I got scared but felt happy because I didn’t really have to fight emotions, because when there were so many people it was really hard to even look at the surroundings because the emotions were too much. So, I walked freely although I was thinking about that strange emotion I got from my grandma, but I thought it was nothing and it was ok.

When I was walking freely towards the road to my school….

Then, out of nowhere, a figure in a black outfit appeared.

I didn’t know what to do so I started to walk ignoring him or her. But I thought it was a boy because from the way he appeared inside the outfit and the way he moved, I could see it.

He whispered to me: “Come.”

I started running—panic rising. Suddenly, I felt like I was floating. So was he. Darkness wrapped around me.

I couldn’t breathe nor hear any sounds (It was probably because I was scared) I didn’t know what to do, the last thing I remembered was that I ate a yummy breakfast with toast, sausage and muffins. I didn’t know what to do, then I started to look around me.

There was a lamp that was glowing from bright white light. I saw the same figure looking at me!

“I see you’ve woke up” he started to speak from a soft, harsh somehow melodic tone.

“What do you want?” I said from a harsh tone, but my heart was pounding, and my head was running to all directions screaming ‘help’, but I knew there was no point because it looked like I was stuck inside a room. I noticed that my hands were trembling and that my legs were wobbly to even stand up. And to my surprise I could just sense a secure somehow easing emotion.

“Oh… so you are talking” he asked. I stayed silent without talking. And then the figure started to move around the room. I became extra scared, so I thought the best way was to talk somehow. “Please let me go I don’t really have anything, and I did nothing wrong to you. I don’t really know how I floated or whatever happened, how did I end up here?” I begged him to let me go. As I looked closer, I could see a part of his hair falling into his back side of the outfit, but I couldn’t see his face. His hair was blonde, and it was straight the way it appeared. Although I thought the outfit was black it had thin lines of white, and he was wearing some kind of hat like a person from a fantasy story that I have read. “Please” I whispered.

He stopped walking and looked at me. Then I could see his face. A pair of green eyes with flecks of white was staring at me like I was someone who was so special. His face was so clean, and he was a boy as I suspected, and he was probably no more than 16. “Please don’t ask any questions and listen to me.” He said gently.

“But …” I started. He motioned me to stay silent.

“I know that you are pretty confused right now but just know that I mean no harm and just hear me out.” He stopped for some time to let that sink in.

“There are many worlds other than the one you live in Lumi… and just know you are different than others”.

I laughed because I knew it was not true- like who believes and says stuff like that right.

But his serious expression made me stop.

I started to lose my focus but suddenly the boy spoke again.

“I know you are probably confused right now but I just want you to know that everything will be changed pretty soon and the emotions you are sensing are true. I am sorry if I confused you and I know that you probably have dozens of questions right now and yeah, you will get all the answers when you come to the right age, but I will be kind. You can ask me just one question. Be wise and choose the question carefully.”

I thought I was hearing a joke, and I pinched myself slowly to see if I was still in a dream. But it was real! I was sitting in a chair and this room and the fact that I flew or float were all real. And the boy in front of me was real. I started to open my mouth but what he said echoed around my head “Choose wisely”. So, I looked at him and I could see that he was looking at me with glowing eyes, so I asked,

“What do all these things got to do with me?”

“I see you’ve chosen the question wisely, but the answer is very long, and I cannot answer it, but I will say this to you because you deserve to know about this:

“You are different, and you are not in the right place you should have been from the moment you were born” he said that with such an ominous tone.

“What...” I started to ask, he told me to stop.

“Only one question. I told you, didn’t I?

“Ok but…” I started again. I didn’t care what were the rules because if this was a joke this was so bad because this felt so real and it had to do something with my life and the emotions were so true and honest coming from him.

“Ok I know you have a lot of things to talk about, but I cannot wait any longer and know that changes are coming, so adapt to that thought.

Then he disappeared, no space for questions, no emotions. For a second, I thought I was all alone in the room, but I could see that I was back in the same spot I left. The spot where I saw that boy and the spot where I flew…

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
lalalucky
Review

Helloooo!!! this is a great first chapter!! right away, the setting is so interesting; while somewhat ambiguous for you to wonder, it isn't too vague to not quip any interest!! I wonder if there is any symbolism with the purple spots on the flowers going!! The black gown is also incredibly interesting, especially knowing the color is typically associated with death...

I woke up because just now my puppy Fluffy was licking my whole face in the early morning! “OMG sometimes I feel like why I even got this puppy???”. But honestly Fluffy really helps me.

I also like how the history between this narrator and her puppy is established here. The annoyance and love you feel towards an overly-affectionate pet is expressed in a playful, great way!! However, I did think this moment waking up as a twist for the audience could be done more smoother, like focusing on the sensation first. Also, there are some issues with the punctuation here; the period after the quotation mark isn't needed.

There are also various of instances where punctuation is needed. An example:
but I didn’t have time to think about it so I washed my face put on the uniform and put two ponytails, got my backpack and ran straight downstairs

Here, this is awkward to read. I get that at this point, the sentences has already got a lot of commas, but the earlier commas could be taken out, and a period could be placed somewhere, so what I quoted could flow more better with commas. Here's an example of how you could adjust the paragraph without heavily changing the language (not for you edit your work now, but to keep in mind for your future works!):

So I quickly got up from bed and hugged Fluffy, hoping that she will forgive me. Then, suddenly, I got an emotion that was so strange—it was like a sad, confused and somehow very strange emotion—but I didn’t have time to think about it. So I washed my face, put on the uniform, and put two ponytails, got my backpack and ran straight downstairs.

Generally, I feel like some semicolons and/or em dashes could uplift some sentences, to keep them flowing while they're ongoing, but without the awkwardness of constant commas (or the lack of commas). Other than that, there are also grammar mistakes here that makes some sentences structured awkwardly.

There was a lamp that was glowing from bright white light

Here, it should be "There was a lamp that was glowing a bright white light".

Another instance of a grammar mistake is the tendency to write "said from a [insert] tone" (ex: "he started to speak from a soft", "I said from a harsh tone"). It should be "with a [insert] tone"

I stayed silent without talking.

This sentence is pretty redundant. Like, with the sentence I've quoted above, you would assume she wasn't talking because silence isn't talking. Simply, the sentence could be reduced to "I stayed silent".


Criticisms aside, the chapter was enjoyable to read and the suspense towards the end was so strong!! The world this chapter is setting up is very fascinating. I suppose her sense to pick up on emotion is some power, just as the boy's teleportation/ flight could be a power of his.

I am also interested in how much grandmother knows about her parents, and where her parents are. That knowledge grandmother has, alongside with the information that she's not "where she's meant to be", makes me wonder if her parents are where *she* "should be."

There are so many things to wonder about this chapter, and what will happen to the characters, which is very engaging!! Good chapter, great story!! Keep writing!!

Thank you so much!! I will continue writing, because you just inspired me.. :)

User avatar
Troy0524
Review

Hi! This is an intereting opening! I find the world setting to be pretty interesting - other worlds and people with special talents/abilities? I'm also curious about who the figure is, and what Lumi actually has to do with everything, but those will be the future chapters!
One thing I noticed while reading was that there were lots of punctuations missing, e.g. commas and periods. It sometimes makes me confused, so it would be great if you try to pay more attention to your punctuations.
Thanks and I look forward to your future works!

Helloo!! OMG thank you so much for your review. I will continue my work and thank you for notifying me about my punctuation mistakes. Thank youuuu!!!!

User avatar
velvetcatsz
Comment

I love it so much! The cover art is amazing and the story sounds interesting. I am sure most people will like it as much as me. I can't wait for more! And if you are into this Genre, check me out! It's my first time here, great job and keep going!

Helllooo, Thank you very much for your review too. I will definitely post my work in the future and I hope you will read those too. Thank uu very much!!!!



Mariah Carey
— WFP chat in Holiday Trivia Night (2025)