I am unsure of what type of writing this is, at first I thought poetry but I was just focussed on writing this and venting my feelings at that specific moment. Any ways, here you go....
My life has over and over again shattered into a billion pieces. It’s like I once was a tea cup until I dropped and broke against a hard wood floor, I turned into a bunch of lost, dull pieces of nothing. Porcelain and paints, that is what I am. Useless, garbage that hurts anyone in contact with it. Nothing good happens, and when I wait in the bad, I stay a heap of unwanted trash. It is sometimes like the rewinding of a tape, like I go back in time before I became so utterly depressed and broken. My pieces swept off the lonely floors to be put back in place, to be back with everything once again. Recycled, remade. I am wanted again, I am needed again. But that does not last. I am knocked or nudged, thrown or hit. I never get away from being who I am. And I am the broken tea cup.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Well its an seems to be a self portrait in the form of informal Essay.
The imagery is pleasant to read, though not in context.
The grammar is decent.
The piece flows excellently, almost poetic.
I suggest you read some of Poe's similar works, as he did a lot of this stuff, though his were a lot more self defecating.
It is really hard to suggest an idea to someone's personal reflection, though I will attempt it.
Alright, I love the flowery language it works, it really does.
The lack of knowledge to what it is, will always rob the reader of a lot of emotion conveyed by the piece.
I would drop the Like here and maybe change it to I'd.
"Like I go back in time to before I became so utterly depressed and broken."
Hello there! Hmm ... not sure what kind of writing this is, sort of cool though, but I'm not sure how to review it. So here it goes:
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Ok so over all, it's describing you right? That's cool, tea cups are good, I like how you describe the broken pieces of tea cup as 'I turned into a bunch of lost, sharp and dull pieces of nothing. Of porcelain and paints'. Ooh porcelain what a fancy tea cup
I am not sure what to say over all though; one thing I noticed though is if your point is describing how you are like a broken tea cup, you really should stick to tea cups and broken pieces of said tea cups. One of your lines is 'Its like the rewinding of a tape.' When every other line is about tea cups, this stands out. I mean, it's a great line, super deep, but it just doesn't work with your point.
Also 'Only until something good happens I am fixed.' I think it would be cool if you mentioned something about how, being a tea cup, only someone else can fix you, since you can't fix yourself when you're broken. I think 'until something good happens' is a little vague.
And here 'I turned into a bunch of lost, sharp and dull pieces of nothing'. When you say 'sharp and dull' together it is really contradicting. Try 'a bunch of lost, both sharp and dull, pieces of nothing'. I know it separates the texture of the pieces from the sentence a bit but to me it makes more sense.
Oh. It's my bed time. Sorry I didn't review longer, over all it's pretty good and I like how you ended with 'And I am the broken tea cup'. Keep writing!
~ Sarra ~