Imagine Me and You..

Hi there. Lavvi in to review.

I found the poem very choppy and abrupt, just way you divided lines and such. Personally, it would be better with the traditional four line stanzas. I think the fluidity would be affected in a good way and it would be all the more enjoyable to read.

Looking forward to more,
Lavvi

heellloo XD
nice sweet poem! I love the imagery in this. It calms me down!

Imagine me and you
on a ship,
on a broken wooden mass;
we float.
The waves, which toss
and turn our hope,
would stop
and we would find
ourselves alone
as we, just you and I.
Thunder and rain are
across the coast.
We're wrapped beneath the sun,
and the only sound heard
in my ear
would be your soft sweet voice.
Together,
we disembark from the ruin;
we float just side by side,
And the sea is still
and the creatures at rest, creatures should be creature's I think
so we go unnoticed for a while.
Imagine me and ou ou should be you
where it is only you and I.

I love this.
What inkwell said about the missing 'y' I agree on, but I like the poem just how it is.
THIS is why I'm a bad critic. Ah well.
As I am on the topic of disagreeing, I adore the last stanza, and I find "Imagine me and you where it is only you and I." to make very much sense.
This is a fantastic poem, whether it flows perfectly or not.
Thank you for the awesome read.
Stay gold.

The title can go without the two periods.

"as we, just you and I."

What does this mean? Find yourselves as "we"?

"Thunder and rain are
across the coast."

This part seemed randomly inserted, could actually be cut from the whole thing for a better flow.

"soft sweet" I'd add a comma after soft.

"Imagine me and ou" Missing a "y."

Once again I'm confused with the last stanza. Imagine us where it is only us? Maybe I'm reading it wrong...

Nice poem though. I liked how it is calm yet, due to the breaks in the lines, has a sort of underlying urgency.