Published December 7, 2010
Took this one down...hated it
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140,706 Literary Works • 673,672 Reviews
Good poem!
The first stanza drags a bit at the commas, and as such seems at odds with the rest; perhaps eliminate the first two and replace them with dashes. You lack prepositions in places, but I feel like that improves your flow, so don't bother with adding them. Add a comma after 'comments' in the third stanza. The way the last two lines are worded and punctuated, it appears that you 'life after death' is literally being prepared. Not sure if that's the intent - clear up either in reading or presenting.
Overall, I liked it quite a bit, it's kinda vague, has cool imagery, great job!
victoria781,
It was organized well, made sense, and I enjoyed reading it! You'll do great presenting it tommorow (I can feel it!)
-lilgreendots
Hi! Real nice poem but the only thing I have a nit pick about is how many ... you use ( sorry can't think of the word for them) using a comma would be just as effective.
Overall a great poem but could use some revising good luck!