I with a wreath of feathers, godlike,
stay in a puddle of mud, and the heavens
look down on me, mock me, taunt
keep their holy grace for them,
far from me, I weep, I mourn,
I stand, I climb, I fall again
the puddle of mud, my friend, is where
my head is never bare, for I
am there with a wreath of feathers, godlike.
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141,293 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
Hello! For the first poem you've ever posted this is great! I like how you used both feathers and heavens. With the connection being that feathers, like birds, represent freedom which is usually what going to heaven is thought to be like. Free of stress and worries. However I think this is a little scattered. I think to would be well served to of made this longer and connected some of the ideas a little deeper. With a little more practice you could truly be writing some fantastic pieces! Great work and I look forward to seeing you grow as a writer!
Hello, priceofwords here!
For your first poem posted online this was great. You did an awesome job with this, so well done! I liked your occasional List of Three you slid in there; very effective. I'm talking about lines such as,
'I stand, I climb, I fall again,' and,
'look down on me, mock me, taunt,'
One of the things I would find fault with here is that some of your sentences look unfinished. 'Taunt,' should really be 'taunt me.' As well as this, in the line, 'my head is never bare for I,' the phrase, 'for I' should be on the next line. There are a few more examples of this in your poem. If you just correct those small flaws your poem will be even better than it is already!
Keep writing!
priceofwords
I stand, I climb, I fall again
the puddle of mud, my friend, is where
my head is never bare for I
am there with a wreath of feathers, godlike. These lines sound like a song.. Amazing