I wasn't always like this. I wasn't always the quiet, dull introvert at school. I wasn't always the person who trailed behind my fairly "popular" friend group.
It started in 5th grade. I got back to school after covid. I was so, so excited, to get back with my old friends, to get back to actually attending classes. And yes, I made new friends. Or so I thought.
I was an extrovert who was chalant and didn't care a fuck about how I look, or how I act. I was lively and bright, overflowing with energy. But then, problems came up. My friends told me to be more...normal. Hah, I knew I was weird. I liked being myself. But the pressure, bullies, and my own insecurities finally took over. I started being more quiet, afraid of messing up. Afraid of being judged, on looks, on how I acted before. Heck yea, I knew I wasn't attractive. In fact, I was ugly. But I didn't care...before.
But it continued. Every time I messed up in sports at school, or tried to feed my inner liveliness, I would get made fun of all over again. Every time I tried to tell people the truth, they spill it. "Who would like her?"
"Would you date her?"
"Who? Oh HER? HELL NAH"
They...kind of killed me, in a way. They crushed my spirit and took advantage of me. I used to never get mad. Because I'm the type that cries when I rage. Yea, I'm sensitive. But only because I've been strong for...too long. Even the strongest structures rust and break down over time when its under heavy pressure.
No one knows. No one knows how I can't wait to get to bed, for it to be night, to finally have some time to myself. Not to sleep, but to think over what happened that day, scroll on TikTok, and cry. Just, cry, to release the overwhelming thoughts. Not to sleep, but to overthink. They don't like me. Is she mad at me? Did I do that wrong? Is he annoyed? I wish I had clear glass skin. I wish I had shiny dark hair. I wish...I wish-
Daydreaming is freedom. Being quiet means safety. Hiding behind a shield...is a way to protect my feelings.
Even today, I'm trying to pick myself up. I tell myself I'm healing. Slowly, but I am. I tell myself that yes, there are people in my life that care about me, even if it is only a few. And I will hope. Hope that things will change. Soon.
And I think it already is. You know the saying? "An extrovert always adopts an introvert"
I think it happened already...maybe.
I think someone actually appreciates me.
I think he cares.
And someday, I hope he'll revive me.
...
the real me.
Maybe I was less mature back then. But I'm sure there is still some things that are left over. Some scraps from my past that...
...i just might keep.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Hiya CATSRULETHEWORLD387 (hehe i'm evillll i used your real username but hey better than doxxing you >:3) Tis I, Hop. Here with my 101st review because whooo!! I literally just clicked on a random thing on your portfolio because I'm tired of reviewing green room works :sobs:
Welp let's review because I'm fricking amazing. But first, I just wanna say that I literally love reviewing anything of yours because like i don't know why but it's just so refreshing i guess. I can finally get out all of the energy I want in my reviews on yours because I know that you won't care if I just yap and yap and yap because of my fun ADHD!!! ANyways let's actually jump in. I have no idea what this is even named. I literally did just pick the most random thing in the world so >.>
Honestly this is just me raging now. what the fuck dude you're friends were not very sigma. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. That's seriously not okay. They literally made your spark disappear and act like it was a good thing. I hate bullies and literally will not stand them. They can go die in a hole for all I care. They have no rizz, no huzz, no money, no pets, no nothing.
Sorry I think i'm getting worse at this review thing.......
Love,
Hop
hahaha!! and how dare u use my full user ToT
thanks so much for your feedback!!! i appreciate it bestieeeeeee
fr bullies are insane and need therapy xD
This feels very raw and real, excellent job! This is wonderfully written and very encapsulating. It’s incredibly relatable and really delves into how heavily comments from other people can break us down without them knowing.
I really like how the end has a much more positive note to it as well. I enjoy that the narrator is considering keeping parts of their past self also! The narrator realized that maybe be an introvert isn’t all bad.
Overall, this was very well written and if this is a more personal narrative of your own life/experiences, I hope you’re doing well.
Keep up the great work and I hope you have a great day/night!
thank you so much for your wonderful and supportive review! i%u2019m so happy to hear your thoughts on it, and i%u2019m hoping it will get better as well %u263A%uFE0F
You are always welcome to reach out to me if you need anyone to talk to. You are not alone. <3
Thank UU love u %u2764%uFE0F
Hi cats, saw this in the green room and thought I'd give my thoughts on it.
A story like this feels almost too real to me. I'm not sure if this actually happened to you or not but I find writing is a great way to work through and release things we struggle with in life.
People don't often realize how seemingly small things like dismissal or a mean spirited comment or joke build up over time. And those on the receiving end may not even tell them what they are doing hurts (for a variety of reasons).
The more noticeable you are the easier it can be to find flaws. The raised nail gets hammered down and all that. But it is exactly that energy and desire to do things from my friends that has been my saving grace on multiple occasions. It is far easier nowadays to stay at home and do nothing, but we need those like the one represented in this story to shake things up a bit.
I think this is very relatable (to me at least). Everyone wants to be who they are without shame but it's rare to find those who accept us for who we are. I think we all have some things we'd do in our room that we don't want anyone to see.
The ending was bittersweet, and hints at a relationship (perhaps a boyfriend?) that may help our main character regain a bit of what they lost. Though, of course, there is always the risk of more harm if they open up again, but that is the chance we take for healing and growth.
This person the main character found could also be Jesus (God). Someone who loves them unconditionally. But I feel like most people don't like it when I talk about that stuff, so I won't share more unless you ask me to.
May blazing dragon-fire light your path and ignite the flames of your inspiration.
I%u2019m Christian!! Ofc, I made the end have much meaning, the reader can pick!! Yes, this is my life rn lol, and I%u2019m glad u enjoyed!!
I pray the love and peace of Jesus surrounds and overshadows you.
His love has pulled me out of depression before and I know it will bring light and life to you as well.
Have a wonderful day!
Yes, I believe he will %uD83D%uDE4F u too!!
Hi Cats :3 Hope you have a good morning!
Because I feel like it should be “nonchalant”?Are you sure “chalant” is the right word here?
Also finally, an extrovert! I have the feeling a lot of authors only ever write such stories about introverts.
Oh wow, I felt really emotionally anxious while reading this. Also because you put in “other” not in any of the normal story categories. Are you okay Cats? Is there a lot of yourself in this work?
I do like that there’s a positive outlook at the end. I am a huge fan of living and experiencing new things, so it’s good to move past what bothered you, be it bullies or the opinion of others; you’d want to have things to look forward to independent of all that!
Huh, I swear that was a word %uD83D%uDE2D
But basically I meant not nonchalant, thanks for pointing that out!!
I didn%u2019t know what categories to put in, and I%u2019m doing better. Yes, this is all myself%u2026
Thanks so much for reviewing!!!
Love ya,
-CATs
Then it's even more promising, that ending. I'm happy for you getting better, Cats :3
thank uuuuu