Photographs of the Old House: Perfect Wedding

PreviousNext

As stated before, there will be stories in this series that speak of happy, joyful times. This is one of the stories that involves a happy ending. If you're only here for the death and devastation, you may leave now.

Image from the Old House:

http://www.djpyndo.com/wp-content/uploads/outdoor-wedding-entertainment-bg-550x364.jpg ]

This is a story taken from the time the house was being rented out from various purposed. In this particular case, it was being used for a wedding.

"Oh, I just can't believe today is the day." The woman said to the man.

"Neither can I. It seems like just yesterday we were looking at each other in the coffee shop." The man said to the woman.

"I just hope we made the right choice with this place."

"Of course we did. Everything's gonna be fine."

"Yeah... yeah you're right. Everything will be just perfect."

Wrong.

Whoever decides to marry someone who'd use a mansion that's been abandoned more times than you can count on your fingers for a wedding really should rethink their relationship. Nevertheless, if they're good for one thing, it's for making an interesting story. 

Before the woman got dressed, she wanted to check on the food, so she took a stroll into the kitchen. She tried to take a deep breath of the aroma of her fresh cooking, but began a fit of coughing at the scent.

"What in the world?" She said.

She stepped up to the first tray of food and removed the aluminum foil from the top of it. What she saw nearly made her gag. There were three roaches crawling around the top of the food and who-knows how many more inside of it. She dropped the foil and stepped backward, almost into another tray. She spun around, too afraid to even approach the rest of the items in the kitchen.

Almost finding herself in the middle of a panic attack, she stormed out of the kitchen repeating the word "No."

While the woman left to go get dressed in her wedding dress, the man decided to take a look around the house. He walked into the large room where the wedding would be held. There were chairs scattered around either side, which he'd told himself he's sort out as soon as he got the chance. I guess now he had the chance.

He walked up to the nearest chair and set it to one side. He stepped up to the next one and noticed something moving around the cloth under it. Curious, he lifted the cloth to find a rat the size of his forearm crawling about. He jumped back, knocking over a few chairs in the process.

"What the hell?"

He picked up the nearest chair, ready to attack the vermin if he saw it again. Right before he could kick the chair over that had the rat, he noticed something else crawling. Another grey object was shifting in the distance, and apparently it noticed him before he noticed it, because it went scurrying into the corner as fast it could. Before he could fully understand what was really going on, he began to notice the color grey everywhere. That's when he realized the rats were everywhere.

"DAMMIT!" He yelled as he took off to find the woman.

They ran into each other in a corner.

Instantly, they both began babbling about what had just happened to them, though neither was able to get too in depth before the electricity went out.

"WHY! Why did you pick this place?" The woman shouted at the man.

"Me? This was all YOUR idea!" He yelled back.

"It's almost night time, everyone's going to be coming soon! The whole night is ruined!"

Before the man could form a response, a light caught his eye. He looked out the window he didn't know he was standing next to. Outside he noticed two things, it had gotten dark in the short time they had been in the house, and there were beautifully arranged candles set up in the backyard that he had not seen before.

He cut his wife off in the middle of her yelling to point to what he had seen, and watched as her face lit up with joy. She hugged him and ran off as fast as her legs would carry her. 

Meanwhile, he decided he would man up and bring those chairs outside, killing as many rats as he could along the way.

Fast forward about an hour.

Guests were arriving. Everything was set up. The woman was dressed and waiting inside with the man. They looked at each other, hoping for the best. They hoped that there would be no more disturbances, nothing else to ruin the night. Then the door-greeter came in.

"There's someone here to see you, Miss." he told the lady.

She rose slowly and followed the greeter through the door, up to the front gate. There she met with a man in a cap, with a delivery truck behind him. 

"Huge delivery for Ms. Lady." the delivery man said.

"But I didn't order anything." the lady told him.

"Miss, it's already been paid for, I can't take it back now."

Looking at the truck, then back at the delivery man, then towards the crowd that had gathered behind them, she asked, "Anybody up for Chinese?"

Comments & reviews · 3
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
Dutiful
Review
Dutiful wrote a review · Thu Sep 12, 2013 7:13 am

Once a stalker, always one :D

Heeeeeellooo there again.

I'll be honest with you, I liked the previous one better than this one. Mainly because, that one carried a little emotion while this one..didn't.

Anywaays, continue the series. Really.

-Divz

User avatar
Ccas
Review
Ccas wrote a review · Mon Nov 05, 2012 7:10 am

To be somewhat harsh, you really did not describe very much of anything. And it really didn't seem to be as much tension as you probably were trying to convey. It really just seems generic. The whole "bad things happen in the house" really didn't make sense to me. Maybe you could consider adding some of the house's "personality" or happenings. Just being honest...

I really like the second paragraph with the "Whoever decides to marry someone..."
That was my favorite part.

Thanks for the review! I'll try put more detail into my writing from now on I guess :p
I guess I was under the assumption that the other parts of the series were read before to give some foreground to the story.
But thanks for the tips.

User avatar
haven235
Review

Hey, again! As I've said, I'm interested to see how your series will go, so...I'm here, and here's a review.

Just a couple nitpicks here and there:

She stepped up to the first tray of food and removed the aluminum foil from the top of it. What she saw nearly made her gag. There were three roaches crawling around the top of the food and who-knows how many more inside of it. She dropped the foil and stepped backward, almost into another tray of food. She spun around, too afraid to even approach the rest of the food.


The word "food" was overused in this paragraph. Try omitting some of it, or using synonyms.

"DAMMIT!" He yelled as he took off out of the room to find the woman.


Don't think you should have "out of the room" if "took off" is there.

The rising action had pretty good tension, but the climax and falling action were pretty confusing, since everything seemed to settle down after looking at a candle arrangement.

And you should probably make a hint for whoever ordered the Chinese food, because right now, it seemed that it just appeared for no reason, unless you're implying that miracles will happen with perseverance, which I assume is your theme for this story.

Overall, I liked this piece. I'll say again that narration is your strong part, but again the emotional bit could use a little work.

I hope your next installment will be something intense; maybe a little horror to fit the season? ;) (too late, but whatevs)

Keep writing!

Thanks again haven :)
I didn't even notice the food thing, I'll get right on that.
But yeah, with the food I was trying to show a miracle happening, as if saying 'not only bad things happen in this house'.

I'll see what I can think of for the next one. Thanks again!



If I'm going to burn, it might as well be bright.
— Frank Zhang