~discontinued~
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
hey veer.
I would like to talk to you about fear. It's a powerful emotion, and it can come in many different shapes and forms. There is primal fear, fear that you will be hurt or die, on one end of the spectrum, and on the other, there is that sense of unease, that something will go wrong, but you can't place your finger on it. When conveyed properly, fear will impact the reader strongly. However, it needs to be set up. It hasn't been set up very well here. I am thrown into a situation, but it resolves too quickly for me to understand.
Creeping fear is best set up slowly. A detail the main character perceives as off, an attitude in his friend he finds strange, a sense of foreboding he can't put his finger on. The soothsayer has the potential to become quite the ominous figure, even on such short notice. It would also help me to understand some background. How do they know her? Why is Derrick interested?
The same applies for he himself, and Vanie. I do not cry when a name dies. I will be sad if this name has a face, an identity. If they have a story, I will shed great tears of fan-sad, but this doesn't always have to be the case.
My suggestion is to breathe detail into this. Give it life. Hope this helped
-Ita
I gotcha, I only had a few minutes to put this down so there's just the basic outline and not much content. I do plan on fleshing everything out once the story is done, however. Thanks again.
Well, the story line is very good and extremely interesting! I don't have much to say about it; there's nothing wrong. I would like to know a little bit more than I was told though, like what sort of clothes the soothsayer wore and how she met the guy, etc. So perhaps these short stories could just be drafts for you to expand on, and even turn them into a novel.
You asked about the story though, and it's great. So keep writing this.
Thank you kindly for the review xp