He kept staring outside the
window, towards the sunbaked branches of the huge tree that stood opposite to
our one-floored rented house. It’s being more than an hour and he isn’t moving either talking to me about anything. There was something unusual in his
behaviour; he had a scrunched sad face which I thought at first to be his ageing
skin with wrinkles and the same unshaved beard, even his hair was uncombed,
ruffled and unkempt falling across his forehead, his allover look gave me a
grumpy feeling which somewhat was common to me, being his daughter. But it
wasn’t that, I was disturbed and wondered what’s on his mind. It is the
seventeenth year since my mother passed away giving birth to me. He brought me
up and took the best care of me that he could alone, from bathing to
dressing me up and combing my hair and dropping me to school on the retro bike
that he held dearest to himself. He never cared about what people asked or said
to him, the most common thing he was told was to remarry, but he never let that
through his mind and kept reasoning that he wanted to share his love only to
me. Earlier today he had been called to his workplace in the shoreline, his
dearest friend and my loving Uncle Chan was his only business partner. I was
about to leave for my college when dad informed me that he would be going
across there, so he dropped me to my college and went by. When I returned home,
he opened the door for me and went to sit near the window, where he is sitting
still. I went into my room and changed into my clothes and freshened up. On my
way to school, I kept thinking about Dad, and then the tiring day took that
thought out of my head.Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on your first chapter. I'll try to make this short, and help get the work out the green room.
Let's start.
So I did see a few things I wanted to talk to you about but @FabihaNeera got everything so I guess I'll talk about the good things about your chapter. Though I do want to mention one thing that you can fix, so Liva is the name of your story great choice by the way I'll talk about that later, anyway, so Liva is the title, and this is a chapter so to let your read know what chapter it is because I didn't know if this was one of two so on, because it did say anything like that. So if you are going to post the next chapter maybe make the title this, Liva chapter 2, so the reader knows what chapter number it is. It will help them a lot. But other than that everything was great.
Now onto the good things.
Now I want to talk about the name to your story. I don't quit know what it means yet, but to me it seemed to do it's job rather well. What I think I title to a book is for is to bring your readers in, to want to make them read your book, it also is supposed to kind of be what the story is about but that isn't such a big thing for now. When I saw the name to your book, I new I had to come and read it, because it was really good, and I am hooked.
I think the emotion you put into this chapter was really good. I really liked it that you kind of explained some of the MC back story, not all of it, but enough to explain why her father is so down, I also think it's something to do with his work, maybe he got fired. Only you know. I just can't wait to see what will happen next.
I do wish the chapter was longer, but that's okay. Because I still enjoyed reading and reviewing this work. I do hope you will post the next chapter soon, because I think I will be coming back to read it once it's out. Never stop writing and have an amazing day or night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
Points: 122617
Reviews: 616
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