Ok I'm catching up a little more! I saw you just tagged me in part eight, so there's not many chapters before I'm up to date with this one. Let's get into the review.
So much death. Zombies, ghosts. When does it ever end? Luisa thought mournfully to herself.
I actually think this line is more impactful without the tag. So I would remove everything from 'Luisa' onwards. I feel like this makes it a bit more of a rhetorical question for the reader and kind of brings them into the narrative a bit more.
Is Helena responsible for changing her? Luisa thought to herself.
Luisa seems pretty calm about this whole thing! Is she not nervous or at least apprehensive? This is continued when she walks towards the man in the room. I don't feel the tension, because she seems quite calm. She also doesn't seem to question all the changes and things that happen to her. When she wakes up from passing out she basically carries on where she left off. Is this so usual to her that she's completely not phased by it?
I think the pacing is going really well, and I definitely like where you're leaving each part. It's nice to have a mix of really dramatic cliffhangers and then also chapters like this where you want to read on but it feels more like a natural end to the chapter. That balance seems to be working at the moment, and I'm looking forward to part 7!
See you for the next chapter.
Icy
Points: 173529
Reviews: 1589
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