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Zombies of Mariesville | Six

by vampricone6783


*Part six of my series “Zombies of Mariesville”. This story is underneath my folder titled “Zombies of Mariesville”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*



Luisa walked down the halls of the palace with Ava and Oliver, feeling the weight of those long dead still lingering. Were there other souls trapped in there? Other souls that Helena was taking? That Jackson was taking?

So much death. Zombies, ghosts. When does it ever end? 

Ava stopped walking. Her red eyes got wide, as wide as a porcelain doll’s. With one shaking, gloved hand, she pointed to a wooden door painted violet, with deep dents like wounds on flesh.

“That’s where he is. The dead boy.” Ava said.

“The dead boy?” Luisa asked, startled. How was there a dead boy involved?

“I don’t know. He’s supposed to be a boy, but he isn’t. Not really.” Ava said with the confidence level of a kid who sat in the back of class asked to speak.

For a moment, Luisa saw Ava’s eyes flash brown, but then they went back to red.

Is Helena responsible for changing her? Luisa thought to herself.

But she didn’t ask any questions. Ava, although older than him, was a child, just like Oliver. She probably still didn’t want to talk about what happened to her, and Luisa respected that.

She turned the knob on the door and stepped inside.

…………………………………………………….

In the middle of the barren, creaked and cracked room, there was a man, with all the life and vitality of the zombies Luisa had seen in her town.

Clear tubes with crimson liquid inside, like bloody veins, grew from the walls like vines and connected to the man’s body. He breathed raggedly, seeming to grasp for more air by the minute.

Luisa walked up to the man, slowly and carefully. Oliver clung onto her pant leg, shivering profusely.

“Helena…liar…liar…you lied…to him…” The man trailed off.

Luisa got closer…closer…

Abruptly, something reached from down below and pulled her under.

…………………………………………………….

Luisa’s head was woozy, her brain switching from blood, to zombies, to ghosts.

“Luisa! Luisa, I’m okay! I’m alive! We can get out of here together! We can find Marie! We can end the curse!” Josette’s voice said.

Luisa blinked her eyes. Standing in front of her was Josette, covered in dirt, eyes slightly tired, but still alive.

“There’s a cure? But I thought that all the plants were gone…I thought that…”

Luisa trailed off. Oliver still clung to her desperately. Where was Ava? What happened to the man? Who was the man?

“I thought so too. But I was wrong.” Josette said, taking hold of Luisa’s wrist.

Luisa made sure not to let go of Oliver.


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1589 Reviews

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Wed Jun 12, 2024 10:27 am
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Ok I'm catching up a little more! I saw you just tagged me in part eight, so there's not many chapters before I'm up to date with this one. Let's get into the review.

So much death. Zombies, ghosts. When does it ever end? Luisa thought mournfully to herself.

I actually think this line is more impactful without the tag. So I would remove everything from 'Luisa' onwards. I feel like this makes it a bit more of a rhetorical question for the reader and kind of brings them into the narrative a bit more.

Is Helena responsible for changing her? Luisa thought to herself.

Luisa seems pretty calm about this whole thing! Is she not nervous or at least apprehensive? This is continued when she walks towards the man in the room. I don't feel the tension, because she seems quite calm. She also doesn't seem to question all the changes and things that happen to her. When she wakes up from passing out she basically carries on where she left off. Is this so usual to her that she's completely not phased by it?

I think the pacing is going really well, and I definitely like where you're leaving each part. It's nice to have a mix of really dramatic cliffhangers and then also chapters like this where you want to read on but it feels more like a natural end to the chapter. That balance seems to be working at the moment, and I'm looking forward to part 7!

See you for the next chapter.

Icy




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Fri Mar 15, 2024 6:08 am
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OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...



Hello again! This is Orabella, here to deliver another review!

Her red eyes got wide, as wide as a porcelain doll’s.

Ooh, I really like this simile! Porcelain doll is such an interesting way to describe someone's eyes; I've never thought of that before! But it's a really cool description, and I like it a lot.

For a moment, Luisa saw Ava’s eyes flash brown, but then they went back to red.

Eerie! I wonder what it could mean? Is Luisa right about Helena doing something to Ava? Or could there be another reason? Well, if it is Helena, there's just another reason to be scared of her! Everything she's done to Marie and Jackson and Ava and Oliver and those other souls and, you know, the whole town is downright creepy, and I'm glad she doesn't exist in real life! (She doesn't, right? I'm really hoping not...)

...with all the life and vitality of the zombies Luisa had seen in her town.

Clear tubes with crimson liquid inside, like bloody veins, grew from the walls like vines and connected to the man’s body.

First of all, this is perfectly creepy and horrifying. I'm gonna go crawl under my bed now. But also, this gave me a thought. Is Helena experimenting on the man? The tubes and the zombie-like appearance of the man make me think she was his first victim of the zombie plague, the one she experimented on to make sure it worked, which adds another layer of evil to her and creepy to the story.
And what exactly was he talking about? What did she lie about? And to whom? To Jackson? I'm so curious!

Josette is giving me bad vibes right now. First, what exactly is going on and where are they? And what exactly is Josette talking about? How is there a cure? Where did Marie go? If I'm remembering correctly, Josette wasn't with them when they entered the house, right? And where did Helena go? Something about this doesn't feel right, and I'm worried about what's going to happen. I might just be over worrying, and I should just be excited that they can fix things, but knowing stories, that might not turn out so well.

It's also so sweet how Luisa wants to fix and protect everything. Keeping Oliver safe, wanting to save the town at the risk of her own life, saving the ghosts or spirits in the strange place... not everyone would do that, and it's nice to see our MC being so kind.

Can I just say, the quality of your writing has increased dramatically from your first chapter to here! The characters and the descriptions and the way you write; it captures readers so well, and it makes me want to read even more! Too bad I made it to the last part you have so far. Hoping for another part soonish?

Thanks again for writing and sharing! Please tag me if (and hopefully when!) you release a new part! I'd love to learn what happens next! Even if this specific story is not continued, don't forget to keep writing!





Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen.
— Leonardo da Vinci